Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I cant believe how upset I am.
So it seems he was told by someone where we met ( at a dance) that I was a working girl and worked as a prostitute. So our whole time together he has had this niggling thought that he was with a whore.
It makes so much sense with his treatment of me, the rapes, the weird getting off me during sex and just going to work, the abuse, the disrespect, the treatment of me that I was just there to serve his sexual needs.
He made me have a bath before we had sex the first time, he actually inspected me for cleanliness, he made me have STD and HIV tests done too. He accussed me of lieing to him about how many lovers I had as I was 'too good in bed' to have had the number which I said.
It puts a whole new slant on the last four years.
So he felt like he was rescuing me? WTF.
Im beyond sensible about this, Im devastated and cant stop the tears. What went on? What was it all about?
I went over to pack some more things. He suggested we went for lunch, I was starving so agreed. We had a lovely walk along the river, he took my hand , we talked it was so nice. But then when we came home we started talking about things, about how he had not tried to make things right or wanted to work at our relationshp....and he threw the whore thing at me. Im so deeply hurt by this but yet I know it is the talk of someone who isnt right. I feel wounded. Without being dramatic. I cant believe he thought that and married me. I am sucha fool, I got sucked nack in and spat back out again, AGAIN! What was I thinking. I believe he actually believed I had been an escort girl.
This conversation didnt come out of the blue. I was working on my daughters laptop ( shes 15) and found on the history he had been looking at lesbian porn and escort services in Cambridge. He says he was looking to see if I was on the websites. This was over a good few years. ( although the history says 6 plus months.) so I asked him why he thought I would be on the sites and he told me he knew I had worked as a whore when we met....
JUST OMG>
Healing from an abusive relationship is hard when we try to do it on our own. It also takes way more time than healing from a non-abusive relationship. If you aren't already, please find a qualified trauma release therapist, one who understands the dynamics and affects of abuse. Sadly too many therapists do NOT have the appropriate training in abuse recovery. Even sadder is that way too many therapists don't have a clue about how abuse is perpetrated and/or how it affects us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Please take very good care of yourself and allow yourself as much time as you need to heal.
~healing hugs~
I struggle with how to know what a healthy person would do really sso i too his accusations to heart instead of treating thm with the disdain they deserved. I need to learn.
Check out Patricia Evans' website www.youarenotcrazy.com. And get her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Both will help you to begin to learn about abuse and identify what's been going on. In the long run, educating ourselves in critical, but therapy is imperative in order to heal.
~more healing hugs~
Hugs to you,
LindaKara
Oh someone may have said something...but he didn't believe it. Nope. Lying through his teeth.
I think I am struggling with this relationship, if it still is?!, because I really want to tell him how I feel about him but feel scared that if I do that he will make me pay. And I know he will. So I try and keep him sweet, which doesn't help me any does it! But upsetting him, or antagonising him would be a BIG mistake. I have seen how vindictive he can be.
My worry is that I believed him! I reacted as if he was a healthy sane person. Mistake.