Today I've woke up feel super deflated after yesterday's argument with my ex. We haven't been together for 3 and abit months but we share a child together but he won't let me have our son at all because he's being plain spiteful, so yesterday I mentioned that I was thinking of taking him to court to fight for custody as I think he's taking the absolute p***. That did not go down well at all, he switched up on me and called me nasty names, apparently I'm a slag and I open my legs for everyone (I can assure you this isn't true), I'm a liar, I'm disgusting and I'm selfish. He then went on to tell me that if I didn't leave the house he'd ring the police, I said no because I wanted to see our son, our son then came in and said no I don't want mummy to leave I love her so much, he then proceeded to tell our son that he was going to ring the police on me and that he just thinks he loves me, I balled my eyes out because I couldn't believe what he was telling a 4 year old child.. he then said that I had got exactly what I wanted which was to be away from him, but I said I wanted our son just not him he said yeah exactly, so to me that said i can't have our son unless i have him too. he then walked out the room and I could hear him saying, how is it possible to make us both hate you, I blame the fact you didn't have your dad around growing up, you don't know how to let a man love you. 

I tried to calm the situation by asking if he wanted to play play dough with our son and me, he said you don't want me so why would you want me to do anything with you both, so I left it at that. I asked him a question which was 'you want us to be together again?' He said I don't know, is that what you want? I didn't answer him because I defiantly don't want to go back there and go through this cycle again.. his mum then came home and he said he was going to the shop, he was a long while to say he'd gone to the shop, turns out he'd come back after he'd sniffed some coke, I knew straight away that he'd done it, I don't even need to look at him to know. I burst out crying to his mum saying he'd been sniffing again, but when she mentioned it to him and said if he'd done it again he was out, he lied and said no he hadn't done it and that I was lying to cause sh*t. He did do it, I've seen him enough times under the influence of it to know he's done it, but she believed him.

He drags me through the mud while he's sniffing cocaine. I can't cope anymore. I thought I'd turned a corner when the things he was saying to me didn't really get to me anymore, until yesterday, and now today I feel back at square one again and feel totally broken, I'm not even with him anymore but he still tries to keep me under his control as much as possible.. sorry for ranting but I needed to get it out!