Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My husband and I were headed once again at 4:30am to my vanpool meeting point. All he could say was "how things had to change", you see...he's been driving me to the meeting point and I've been taking a bus home for what seems like forever. I know it really hasn't been that long, but.... His bitching about how inconvenient it was for him... I just was the end of my rope.
And,
There is a rat that has been crapping in the cat's litter box outside. I put a plant drain pan in the hole that fit perfectly. He wanted me to add a 5lb weight to it. When I did that the whole thing fell through the hole. I came in to the house and put my head in to the door to tell him that wasn't going to work, got 3 words out and was sternly told to just do it. I closed the door and he proceeded to throw a 10lb weight out into the yard for me to cover the hole in the litter box. It too fell through like the 5lb weight. I finally went and grabbed another plant drain pan that was bigger in diameter and put the 5lb weight inside. Fixed it, then came in to house and was told that the neighbor was out and could hear everything I said. Remember, I got 3 words of what was going to be "the 5lb weight is not going to work, it is too heavy and falling through the hole of the litterbox. Oh, and I'm a dramaqueen despite the fact that I remained calm the whole time while he was up on his feet, grabbing his chair, lifting it and pushing it back to the floor saying over and over how I am a drama queen. Unbelieveable! I also ruined his whole night on his time, the time when he is supposed to be relaxing. Somehow my time was not also affected?! Oh yeah, (he's told me this) but I get to get off and run to work and "get a break all day".
Anyway, getting to the bittersweet victory....My therapist and I talked about the issue of him driving me to the vanpool meet everyday and me having to take the bus home today causing me to be unable to go see my therapist after work and other doctor appts that would benefit my health. She told me that I needed to assert myself, that I needed this small victory and a piece of control back in my life.
Since he was already pissed off at me about me about the whole rat debacle, I thought what the heck...he's already pissed off...I might as well bring it up. So, I brought up the subject of me driving myself to the vanpool meeting point. I proceeded to hear about the paint getting destroyed, about the sarcastic "drive your $50K car to the vanpool meet to bake in the sun", how he had planned to let me start driving again once winter was here and the sun was not so hot (like I believe that, NOT) and tons more including having an empty plastic soda bottle thrown at me, and approximately 2.5hrs more of the sarcastic and negative comments. He did better with it than I thought, but not what I had hoped....but then I have had high hopes for the last 20yrs, why should I be surprised now.
His way of control and manipulating me is to talk for hours to the point that he literally wears me down until I can't deal with it any longer and end up caving.
I just wanted to cry....he says he's almost at his breaking point with me?!
I didn't tell him this, but I passed that point a few weeks ago when I called up an EAP (employee assistance program, a benefit through my employer) hotline and proceeded to breakdown in tears...over the phone in my office AT WORK to a man I didn't even know. He was so concerned that he gave me his personal cell to have the therapist call him directly to make sure she knew how urgent the situation was that I get in ASAP. She was unknown to me except that a good friend of mine who suffers from depression recommended her to me several months back. I've always had her name in that back of my mind, but never acted on going to see her. I called her and she was able to see me later that same day. I've seen her once a week for the last 3wks now.
I was really broken then and I'm still broken now, just able to stifle it during the day when I'm at work. I'm not sure how to fix it....really....
Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt myself....just feeling a lot of hurt and pain despite the fact that I just won a small bittersweet victory for myself and gained a little bit more control over my life.
And,
There is a rat that has been crapping in the cat's litter box outside. I put a plant drain pan in the hole that fit perfectly. He wanted me to add a 5lb weight to it. When I did that the whole thing fell through the hole. I came in to the house and put my head in to the door to tell him that wasn't going to work, got 3 words out and was sternly told to just do it. I closed the door and he proceeded to throw a 10lb weight out into the yard for me to cover the hole in the litter box. It too fell through like the 5lb weight. I finally went and grabbed another plant drain pan that was bigger in diameter and put the 5lb weight inside. Fixed it, then came in to house and was told that the neighbor was out and could hear everything I said. Remember, I got 3 words of what was going to be "the 5lb weight is not going to work, it is too heavy and falling through the hole of the litterbox. Oh, and I'm a dramaqueen despite the fact that I remained calm the whole time while he was up on his feet, grabbing his chair, lifting it and pushing it back to the floor saying over and over how I am a drama queen. Unbelieveable! I also ruined his whole night on his time, the time when he is supposed to be relaxing. Somehow my time was not also affected?! Oh yeah, (he's told me this) but I get to get off and run to work and "get a break all day".
Anyway, getting to the bittersweet victory....My therapist and I talked about the issue of him driving me to the vanpool meet everyday and me having to take the bus home today causing me to be unable to go see my therapist after work and other doctor appts that would benefit my health. She told me that I needed to assert myself, that I needed this small victory and a piece of control back in my life.
Since he was already pissed off at me about me about the whole rat debacle, I thought what the heck...he's already pissed off...I might as well bring it up. So, I brought up the subject of me driving myself to the vanpool meeting point. I proceeded to hear about the paint getting destroyed, about the sarcastic "drive your $50K car to the vanpool meet to bake in the sun", how he had planned to let me start driving again once winter was here and the sun was not so hot (like I believe that, NOT) and tons more including having an empty plastic soda bottle thrown at me, and approximately 2.5hrs more of the sarcastic and negative comments. He did better with it than I thought, but not what I had hoped....but then I have had high hopes for the last 20yrs, why should I be surprised now.
His way of control and manipulating me is to talk for hours to the point that he literally wears me down until I can't deal with it any longer and end up caving.
I just wanted to cry....he says he's almost at his breaking point with me?!
I didn't tell him this, but I passed that point a few weeks ago when I called up an EAP (employee assistance program, a benefit through my employer) hotline and proceeded to breakdown in tears...over the phone in my office AT WORK to a man I didn't even know. He was so concerned that he gave me his personal cell to have the therapist call him directly to make sure she knew how urgent the situation was that I get in ASAP. She was unknown to me except that a good friend of mine who suffers from depression recommended her to me several months back. I've always had her name in that back of my mind, but never acted on going to see her. I called her and she was able to see me later that same day. I've seen her once a week for the last 3wks now.
I was really broken then and I'm still broken now, just able to stifle it during the day when I'm at work. I'm not sure how to fix it....really....
Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt myself....just feeling a lot of hurt and pain despite the fact that I just won a small bittersweet victory for myself and gained a little bit more control over my life.
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