Hi amexdm, I cant answer your question, but it sure feels that way. Its like the abusers just pick it up from us and they will go the length to take it out on us.

I'm really glad you said you don't take it anymore.

I wish I could do the same.

We end up w/abusers because for many of us, it's how we grew up and that's how life 'seems' to us. We don't realize there is any other way to be.

Many of us who have been abused don't have healthy boundaries. We weren't taught or if we were, the abuser has manipulated his/her way past them.

Repeated abuse (even just witnessing someone else being abused) CAUSES trauma and affects the part of the brain that allows us to see ALL our choices. With enough abuse, we become unable to see all the choices available to us and we end up feeling hopeless and helpless.

That is why I highly recommend INDIVIDUAL (and definitely NOT joint) counseling with a therapist who specializes in recovery from abuse & trauma.

Hi amexdm,
I totally understand where you are. I was on vacation and I had a couple people arrive, UNINVITED and totally take over my vacation apartment for 3 weeks.
I asked a couple of people who showed up that WERE invited where the "STUPID and SUCKER" were written on my forehead and would they please scrub it off.
I save all year for this vacation and this experience has changed my life forever. This kind of thing will NEVER happen again from so called friends who only think of themselves.
I wish you luck.
I am totally done letting people walk all over me. I was also raised that you treat people as you want to be treated, but in this day and age everyone is just for themselves and you need to be more for yourself or you are on the end of the losing team.
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

I just wanted to say that I can relate. I thought leaving my husband and being aware of the red flags would save me from ever being used again, but I was way wrong. After a breakup from one of my post-marriage abusers, I told someone that I should just have 'a**-hole magnet' tatooed on my forehead. Now I am just single until further progress.

Honestly at the moment, I feel i have a sign on my forehead that says "sexual predators welcome!" I am so exasperated by guys at the moment, I am just not doing anything now. I am staying in all the time, not accepting any dates. My friends are telling me I am getting very boring. If I dress sexy, I know that it is at least classy as people always think I am a classical musician. So I doubt that i look tarty! Still...that doesn't stop these predators. I am a serious target. Seems like the harder I am to get, the more devious they get!!! :(

I am glad that I don;t take any crap from anyone anymore. It is not always easy. People will take advantage of you, even at work. With my wife, it is difficult as we live together and it is hard to get away. I have an individual DV counselor who specializes in working with men. I called her last week but she hasnt called back. feel like she is avoiding me. She was helpful a year ago. It does take some cahunas for a man to seek help for DV so I have to give myself some credit. May call the DV clinic and ask for anotrher person. I will let you guys know how it works out.

Amexdm