What he said about the karma was just an abusive lie. It is no different to when someone beats their wife and tells her "you made me do that, it's your own fault". All abusers blame their victims and that's what he was doing. It's utter bullsh**.

You don't deserve any of it. It is not a prophecy. It is not something which must be fulfilled. It was just hurtful lies said by an abusive man.

I think that to stop obsessing over the ex, you need to stop all contact with him. Block him completely. Every time he writes to you, and you read it, it will reignite your feelings for him, especially since he writes manipulative things designed specifically to get you interested in him again. If you stop all contact, the obsession slowly fades, but it can take a very long time. You just need to wait it out and stay strong to sticking to the no contact rule. It's like getting over an addictive drug. You need to flush him from your system and not go near the drug or take it, no matter how much you feel like you want him.

Personally, I think you should stay single for a while. Whilst single, you should try and work on loving yourself. Also, read everything you can about abusive people and how to spot the signs. Don't get into another relationship until you totally believe you do not deserve abuse and you trust yourself to be able to leave a relationship at the first sign of abuse.

You deserve better than abuse. You deserve much, much better.

Aw Joanie, I'm so sorry, I know this is so painful for you. Honestly, the only way I know to get thru this and have a shot at having an honest, loving, respectful abuse-free relationship is to do your 'work' first. 'Work' meaning therapy, counseling, looking inward, self-evaluation (i.e. finding all the good stuff, as well as stuff you want to change), learning to love & respect oneself and consistent positive healthy self care.

In order to have a healthy loving successful relationship with another person, we must first have one with ourselves. And that takes healing and work. The healing will come as a result of the work.

I made the decision to not have any new relationships, including friends (other than here on DS) until after I had done at least part of my work. It was the right decision for me. By doing my work, changing the things I needed to change about myself, I began to attract healthier people. The other benefit was that I also got myself to a place where I recognized abuse as it was happening & was able to end unhealthy relationships.

I also discovered that I'm ok being alone. If someone comes into my life, great. If not, that's ok too. That's a huge change for me as I never wanted to be 'alone.' I like my alone time and I am in the process of discovering my true self, probably for the first time in my life.

While the decision is totally up to you, I highly recommend getting into and staying in counseling w/someone who specializes in recovery from abuse for at least two years before contemplating a new romantic relationship.

Fall in love with yourself first! After you've done that & your 'work', you will probably have to beat the suitors off w/a stick. ';-)

Hugs!!!

Hi Joanie,
I am so sorry you are still in pain. I do say that I have to totally agree with MTC. She has been through so much also and her advice seems right on. I do hope you will follow her advice so you can feel better about yourself.
Take care

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you all for you advice and support.
@ Lillypuddy, I did stop contact with the last ex and blocked him from facebook and actually even deactivated my facebook as I couldn't enjoy it anymore.
To be honest, I have not been quite able to delete all of his photos from my phone but am not as obsessive over looking at photos or texts he has sent me. He has not contacted me since April 2nd with the " I miss you." Which stirred me up and I ended up answering it unfortunately after which I saw that he read my reply but did not answer, so I blocked him to protect myself from further hurt.
I just really don't understand why I am so fixated on this last one as we were off more than on and he cheated on me twice, which is a dealbreaker and normally I can move on from there and let it go. Perhaps it is because with the others I had more closure as they had the more typical abuser alcoholic behavior and I was able wrap my mind around why they did what they did to me. This one has so many issues with OCD, ADD, Tourettes, and I feel undiagnosed bi polar, I feel I want to excuse his indescretions because of all he has to deal with.
Granted he does do illegal drugs on top of that, but he deals with so much.
I have always been on the fence about him. The others were just honestly mean, crude and never did the kind things this last one did for me.
It's hard for me when anyone is kind to me...it doesn't happen often.

Congrats on going no contact! In my opinion, looking at photos and reading their old texts can still keep you emotionally attached. You don't need to delete any of it, but try not looking at them at all anymore. I think you need to go completely cold turkey.

You shouldn't excuse his indiscretions because of all that he has to deal with. It's not his disorders which are causing the abuse, it's his personality.

Not everyone with mental disorders are abusive. With most disorders, they still have choice and can understand and control how they treat others. For example, OCD might mean he can't take the trash out at night, or maybe even that he can't cook his own meals, but it has nothing at all to do with abusing you. It can cause a person to yell or be horrible if you do something that sets off their OCD and sends them into a panic, but it still doesn't make it an acceptable behaviour. If they loved and cared about you, they would do everything in their power to try and reduce their OCD, to try and learn techniques to calm down and not take it out on you etc. You may need to work together, where you learn things that trigger them and try not to, but even then, if avoiding triggering them is affecting your life and well being, then you have every right to walk away. It is their disorder that they must learn to deal with. It is not yours.

I have OCD and lots of other things and it means that yes I need understanding and help in the sense that people are aware that certain things are very difficult for me to do, but it definitely doesn't give me the excuse to treat people like dirt.

Also, because a person does kind things, it doesn't mean they are a kind person, although I understand how it can make detaching from them much harder.

Thank you so much Lillypuddy for your insight into this. I really was willing to look past the tics, the jerky movements, as this was a part of him and I cared about him so much. Same with the controllive nature of things not being moved, obsessive cleanliness, having to be on time or go to bed when he did, eating what he ordered at times, I dealt with it a lot, because I cared so much and that was part of his nature.
But the keeping the ex on standby, the secrecy, the blowing hot and cold, not keeping in touch with me and disappearing for weeks and then breaking up with me over my drama or issues? When I knew he was using and cheating?
I never cheated on him and still have not dated as I am too mentally screwed up.
As I said, I don't know why I can't just get angry at him and stay that way. If I could, I could move past this.