Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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radrm 11/28/2014

I did it again , like an idiot I took him back after he left me before Thanksgiving and l feel like he only wants to be with me when its not a holiday, birthday, or he doesn't have something to do at the ex wife house using the kids as an excuse. He wants to see his kids - there were just here yesterday. I feel like I was trapped by his lies again. Really, anyone here - would you be ok if your boyfriend/girlfriend left you on every holiday to go see his kids at his ex wife house. I call it playing family. I am not allowed to go with him because his ex wife doesn't want him to be with anyone, I have actually been told by her and his kids that they don't want me with him and they want their family. I need solid unbiased advice. I told him go but leave me alone because that is not how I want to live. What do you all thinK? He says I don't tell it from his perspective - he just wants to see his kids. I wonder why he has to do that at his ex's? The are 31, 30, and 17 years old and I think they can come see him or he can spend one of the holidays with me one time? But it has never happened, he wants to just see them or split the holiday up pretend he will spend it with me then say i'm going or for 9 years he just left me before thanksgiving and came back after new years so he could spend the holiday season playing family with the ex and kids. I need strength and advice. Is there a possibility this is love? I do not feel love at all.

gigglemon 11/28/2014

I think the I don't feel love at all statement says it all. Why keep stressing yourself if this is the case? I can totally see you points andd imo from the oil I know of your situation they are valid. We can't tell you to stay with him or not since that is totally a personal choice but if its been 9 yrs and always happens.... then its def not going to change.
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation but welcome to the group.
Warm gentle hugs

IleneW 11/28/2014

I think you know the answer
in your gut.

If you're looking for advice. . . . . .

then gather up the strength
that I know you have,

tell goodbye and good luck

and go No Contact.

If you want something better
than what you've gotten for
the last five years,

then you need to
"clear the field"
and focus on
yourself and
your wellbeing
and better future.

You've had adequate
time to see his pattern.

He leaves you to
"play family" on
holidays. He has
two adult children
and a third about
to be an adult.
He has trained
his children to
not allow his life
to include anyone
but himself and
his ex. That will
NEVER CHANGE.

If you want
better than that,
then send him
packing and
be ready for
better than that.

That's my advice.

Please take
GOOD CARE
of YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
all good things.

radrm 11/28/2014

Thank you IleneW and gigglemon, I needed the validation right now and I don't know why I find it hard to kick him to the curb. He stayed last night but we aren't talking and when he did all he said was that I am controlling and don't want to let him see his kids. He saw his kids the day before they were here, in fact i ended up taking care of the grandkids because when they come they only want me and now the youngest is old enough they both fight over who gets to talk/play with me. HE is home free in that situation. The mother of those two drops them off at my house without asking or calling then he goes out there, the kids come in, and he tells her yeah they can stay. She doesn't come in, say hi, or eve talk to me at all. Its my house but he lets even her manipulate me into having her kids whenever she wants to get rid of them. I know he is using me to have someone on the side for when he doesn't want to play family for what ever reason. I know the answer is to stop doing it. I don't know why I have a hard time sticking to it after I make the decision.

gem111 11/28/2014

radrm,
I am so sorry you have to deal with all this.
They are using you, and you deserve so much better. You are their doormat and it is time to move on.
If you do not feel love, then it just is not there.
I wish you luck with getting away from this time. It is time for you to be happy and live for yourself rather all those nasty ungrateful people.
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

radrm 12/01/2014

Thanks Gem111
Today I feel like I did the right thing. I want to stay strong and change myself so I can stop this addiction to abuse.

MendingToday 12/01/2014

OMG, I had this same problem with my ex, he has grown kids and his exwife was on his case because she couldn't talk to him about their GROWN kids. It was her though, it wasn't him, he wanted nothing to do with her. But I think your man is not respecting you and not listening to what you want. His kids, can go to his house and see him, and they should be respecting you as his gf, but they don't. My gosh you need to add me as a friend, and see all my back story. I know all this stuff too well, it's triangulation. He is trying to create this because he likes the drama. He doesn't care how you feel.

Your wise to stay away from him, it just leads to more drama. It will only end when you decide you have had enough. I know this is difficult you just need to take it one day at a time.

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