He will not hear you. He will not give you closure. What he will hear, no matter WHAT words you use, he will hear "I still love you, I want you back, I'm sorry I ever let you go".

The best advice I can give is to say ... write the email. Pour all of your emotion into it. Tell him everything you ever wanted to.

And then don't send it. Print it and burn it. Journal it. Do whatever you want to with it, but don't send it. Because no matter how many hours you spend on it .... go back to where I started.

Get your closure from you, from walking away. You'll not get it from him - even if you block his emails, given that you have said you love him and want him back (refer the top) he will find a way to make your life hell again if he gets your email.

I have lived someting very similar to what you have with my first husband. I have also thought about writing a letter to him and I have, several times but never sent it. knowing him he would somehow be able to contact me and I didn't want that. I wanted him gone for good and if I actually sent it I feel he would try and cause me more pain. try to have closure a different way. write it all out and save it and if you still feel the need to send it on in a month or so then do it if you feel safe to. block his address from your accounts now so you don't have to have another email from him and then if you choose to send it he is blocked.

Do not reply, what your looking for is something like closure but closure does not come from them. It comes from you. Anger is something to be worked through. You are the one who has to let this go. Hard as it is, for your future you must. He will see only one thing if you reply, that is that he still has you right were he wants you. Soon after you reply you'll get another email, the next will be the pathetic angle, the "he is so sorry for what he did" when that does not work he will write another more nasty than you remember.

Livn's right about writing it and burning it,. its almost a purifying thing to do. Anything else you have left from him if you can burn that too.

A friend of mine told me this the other day, she said write a letter to yourself. 2 years ago. You now, to you then. What would you tell that person?

NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Others have already articulated beautifully
why it would be a humongous mistake to
send him ANYTHING.

Emailing him your summary would be like
trying to lash him with a whip. But instead
of whipping him,, he grabs the end of the
whip, pulls you back in with it, and you're
right back to being his abuse victim
before you know what's happened.

Closure is all about you and nothing about him.

There are all kinds of ways to process anger.
Therapy is one. Getting a punching bag, is another.
Visualizing reading him your letter, is another.
Going out in a very rural place and screaming
till you have no more energy, is another.
And the list goes on and on.

Further contact with him is the
absolute worst thing you could do.

Take care of yourself
and maintain
NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Write the letter, get it out, and then burn it. Abusers will never accept responsibility for their actions. If you contacted him he would turn it around and blame it all on you and you don't need that.

I had many dreams where I confronted my abuser and got it all out. You can actually visualize or imagine doing this in a concentrated and focussed way (without him) and it can be very cathartic.

Good luck and hugs to you...

In the past, my very same need for closure was something that hoovered me back in. He knows how he treated you and knows it was wrong. He may even act contrite as a lure, happy to still have the power to make you angry, and have something you need. Can you find closure in another way? He will use any little shred of power and hold a carrot as long as possible but he will NEVER validate your VALID rage at him, he will just pull you back in to manipulation and more demoralization. Maybe write to him then delete it? Don't send it. Any engagement is going to lead to bad stuff. Good luck. You deserve someone who's accountable, who cherishes you and is direct and good for you. I'm so sorry he was so abusive to you. He's got an incurable disease and will never believe that he's not entitled to how he treated you. He will also never believe in your rights as a human being. There's no equity there, only dialogue with a crazy abuser. Good luck! Hugs.

I did tell the ex off and it did no good....not for him or for me. In actuality, it hurt us both and ended up taking a lot longer to get closure.

THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL GET CLOSURE IS FROM WITHIN YOU.

So please listen to all of the wise responses here.

The only thing I wanted to say is to think about the outcome, even before you attempt to write him.

Imagine yourself writing back to him. What do you think he'll say? If he comes back in a kind way, do you think it's really genuine? Do you think he will 'see the light' from your email? Or, do you think he might be nice to lure you back, then soon after, start the same cycle of abuse?

Do you think he might be cold and cruel in an email back to you? Will he lash out, much worse than you could imagine? How do you think you'll handle that?

Do you think he may not respond to your email? What if that happens, will it make you obsess over if he even got it, why he might be ingoring you, etc?

Think it through, and if you think anything good would come of it, then you have to do what you want. But if you think there is more of a bad outcome likely, it could potentially set you back on your road to healing.

You could always post a letter to him here, or as others said, write it and burn it.

Please take good care of yourself~!

Thank you to everyone for all the thoughts and advice.

Livndadrem - I think you have a really good point when you say that he will not hear me. I'm sure that's true. He will read what I say, but he will not hear it or believe it. I definelty did not say, though, that I love him and want him back! Maybe you were confusing me with someone else??? I don't love him, and I don't want him back.

Ladyrowen - Thank you for the idea of writing a letter to myself, the self I was 2 years ago. What a great idea! I'm going to do that; I think it would really help me.

Gssbl68 - Thank you for the kind words. Yes, I actually did find someone kind, and wonderful, and I'm with him now. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met him. In fact, I was totally turned off relationships from my last one, and I was determined to be single forever. It's funny how often people find mr. right when they're not looking for him. He is my best friend, and, for the first time, I feel like I'm with someone who is truly on my side and wants me to be happy. :-)

Calmzone - thanks for the thoughts. There are some good questions in there to think about!!!

So, some people have pointed out that closure comes from me, not him. That is a really good point, and I will think about it, hard. The thing is, I didn't want anything from him; I didn't want an email back from him, and would have blocked his email address as soon as I sent my email to him, so that I could not get a response from him. I've moved since our relationship, and he doesn't know where my new place is.

So I'm sure he would not be able to contact me, or particularley want to. So when people say that closure won't come from him...well, I don't want anythign from him. I just want to say my piece to him. I want nothing in return.

But....since EVERYONE pretty much said it was a bad idea, I'm inclined to think it is a bad idea. So I'm thinking I will not do it. I will write the letter, and burn it, or delete it, or something. Perhaps just writing the letter will be a big help.

Plus, I have to admit, that I do feel like I got the last laugh with him, anyway. When we were together, he was always the one picking on me, rejecting me....and, then, after we broke up, I ignored his when he wrote on my Facebook wall (and then blocked him from my Facebook), and ignored his email. Plus, I ran into him a couple times, from a distance, and, both times, I happened to be with a guy, and he clearly saw that, and I ignored him, then, too. So, perhaps all that ignoring was the best idea - and the only thing he would really hear, as people pointed out. Maybe I don't need to write to him - I already sent him a clear message with all my ignoring him, and, after years of him getting the last word, I finally got the last word in by rejecting him. :-)

Thanks again for all your help, ideas, and good points. You have show me that it is a bad idea to email him. Thanks!

(ps - sorry for the super long post)