Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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NewStart4me 02/08/2013

hi friends.....
sorry i havent been around.......lots has been going on......got a flat ......he found me......harrassed me day and night.......had to go back into refuge....where i am now.....i cant sleep and am using internet in lounge..trying to be quiet.......lol....

something happened at new year and i just cant get it out of my head.......

our 6 yr old grand daughter went to visit her grand dad....the Narc......
i had to go with her as her mum was working and other daughter was too.....so i stayed with her to make sure she was ok......

she was watching spongebob dancing round the room , being her happy little self.........
she wasnt being loud but was very giddy as any 6 yr old would be?....
he picked up penknife at side of his chair and matter of factly said to her...laughing.....if you dont behave i will cut your tongue out with my penknife ?.........
now...............he laughed.......she she laughed.........
but i cant get my head round the fact of him saying such a thing.....

he has seen her since and been fine with her......both my daughters cant see the seriousness of what he said.......they think i should just forget it?.............but i cant?...........

am i thinking too much into it?
is this the norm for an abuser?

dkbraymond 02/08/2013

I think he was out of line and his comment was very inappropriate and you're reaction is normal! I fail to understand your daughters apparent lack of concern.

swampkitty 02/08/2013

I would not have found that comment funny AT ALL. How inappropriate! However, I'm not sure what more you can do if your daughter isn't taking it seriously. Perhaps you can have a light conversation with your granddaughter explaining that it's not okay for granddad to joke like that. You might get in trouble with her mom, but at least your granddaughter will know that it's not okay.

IleneW 02/09/2013

HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a comment straight out of
the mouth of a violent ogre in a "fairytale."

In the real world, that threat
is VERBAL ABUSE.

As a grandmother, you might not have
the actual authority to prevent contact
but if you have any influence, I'd lobby
to keep this innocent child away from
that abuser.

Finally. . . . you asked if
this is the norm for an abuser?
Yes. It's the abuser just
doin' his thing. And his
thing is to abuse.

I'd lobby to keep the child
away from the nauseating ogre.

LMKSQ 02/09/2013

You said he wad laughing while holding the penknife?! Doesn't matter if he wad laughing or not, its a threat.....period.

Some abusers use humour or laughter to buffer what they really mean. Hour was sending s message in his own sick and twisted way.

Good for you for taking a stand and coming here to deal with it.

Hugs
Linda

ElenaNJ 02/09/2013

He probably couldn't control her and that was his way of getting her to stop. I think your instincts are correct. I'm surprised that her mother doesn't tell him not to speak so graphically, violently to her...can be scary for a young child. Perhaps if you speak with her, your grand daughter, you can tell her to tell her mommy that it scares her when grandpa says scary words to her..maybe her mom will listen coming from her child.

radrm 02/10/2013

I think that is terrible! Why would he even joke around saying somthing like that? It is not funny at all. If he is nothing to worry about why does your daughter have you go make sure she is oK? Duh!! This just sounds rediculously neglectful on the parents side. I would not like it if someone had said that to my son when he was 6 or 16!! Not OK! What is OK about making such a threat?

deleted_user 02/11/2013

Interesting. My H says off the hand things like this. The other day he told me that one day I was going to wake up and the cats would be gutted. He said he was going to cut their guts out with a knife. Now, he was in a good mood and he was "only kidding" according to him. I was just left wondering why a normal person would say something like that in the first place?! The fact is these people are abnormal. Telling a 6 year old something like that is NOT funny. I think he is conditioning her for future abuse.

wvartgirl 02/11/2013

Threats of violence are not to be tolerated, especially against a child.

I would consider not allowing your grand daughter around the narc. That is just too creepy and potentially dangerous. He graduates from narc to sociopath.

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