Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi all:
Ok a topic I think many can relate to. I told my abusive wife 10 days ago I wanted to split. She agreed. I told her I wanted to stay in our rental house because I have paid the deposit and first years rent of 12,000. We got the house from the money from my father's estate.
Last week she went and looked at rental houses. I thought she was gone and I was free. So she looked at a few houses with no luck. She said she wants to stay and we can "do our own thing". She likes our house and doesnt want to leave. She has been very amicable and friendly lately. But SHE WONT LEAVE.
Now let me just say my house is a beautifal ranch on one acre with lots of trees, landscaping and flower beds that I put in. It is a very tranquil place. Our rent is half the going rate because our landlady likes us. So the question is: Why should I have to leave when she is abusing me and thats why I want a divorce. I klnow the abuse will continue. I dont want to move to some crappy apartment. I cant afford another house. She offered me a buyout that is not nearly enough.
If I stay I think she will probably cave eventually and move. But in the meantime she will kill me with abuse. Dont know what to do. A freind of mine from DS suggested I bring a girl home or have a party or something. I wouldnt do that to her but its about what it would take to dynamite her ass out of my house.
Any thoughts? Our lease is up in September.
Martin
Ok a topic I think many can relate to. I told my abusive wife 10 days ago I wanted to split. She agreed. I told her I wanted to stay in our rental house because I have paid the deposit and first years rent of 12,000. We got the house from the money from my father's estate.
Last week she went and looked at rental houses. I thought she was gone and I was free. So she looked at a few houses with no luck. She said she wants to stay and we can "do our own thing". She likes our house and doesnt want to leave. She has been very amicable and friendly lately. But SHE WONT LEAVE.
Now let me just say my house is a beautifal ranch on one acre with lots of trees, landscaping and flower beds that I put in. It is a very tranquil place. Our rent is half the going rate because our landlady likes us. So the question is: Why should I have to leave when she is abusing me and thats why I want a divorce. I klnow the abuse will continue. I dont want to move to some crappy apartment. I cant afford another house. She offered me a buyout that is not nearly enough.
If I stay I think she will probably cave eventually and move. But in the meantime she will kill me with abuse. Dont know what to do. A freind of mine from DS suggested I bring a girl home or have a party or something. I wouldnt do that to her but its about what it would take to dynamite her ass out of my house.
Any thoughts? Our lease is up in September.
Martin
My only suggestion is that you have it put in the property settlement that you retain the right to live in the rental house since you paid for it w/your father's estate and that she has to vacate by whatever date you pick. Once the divorce is final, she has to abide by the agreement. Then you will have a legal leg to stand on and be able to have her evicted if she doesn't leave.
In the meantime, if you really want to stay, then stand your ground. In some states, if you leave the marital home, you give up rights to it.
The best thing you can do is ask your attorney what your state's laws are and have him do the settlement (even if you don't have much else to split) in writing as part of the divorce decree.
Sending hugs of strength....
We're in the 90 day waiting period. Getting all of our financial info together and we both submitted to our attorneys. I'm still moving along and we try and do out own thing - and make arrangements for each of us to do things with the girls.
For me I understand I can have the attorney request an order of sole rights - meaning he has to leave and find a place during the divorce process. We're not there yet. I'll be meeting with my attorney over the next couple of weeks to discuss a settlement and see if that will be necessary. I want him out because I feel it's confusing and upsetting to my girls - the older one more so.
Keep your distance. Start putting up mental walls so she won't get to you. But speak to your attorney and see what options you have too.
Take care of you.
Hugs,
I don't have any good suggestions. I just wanted to add my support. It won't be fast, but you *will* have your freedom.
All good advice here. You may have to wait for the legal process to sort all this out, but in the meantime, I wouldn't try and play games with her...this will just aggravate her and potentially escalate the abuse. If I were you, I'd just ignore her. Set up a wall and don't let her in. Avoid her, don't react to her, pretend she isn't even there. She may get bored with you if you don't react and leave on her own. Or she may leave thinking that will make you "react" the way she wants you to. You won't of course, but at least she'll be out and you will protected yourself in the meantime. Just a thought. I hope this works out for you. Hugs.
Thanks all for your awesome advice. Still stuck but I really think she may realize its best for her to go as she isnt feeling loved. Yes, i have ignored her for the safety of both of us.
We hadnt planned on hiring lawyers as we have no children, little assets and not much to split. I have been advised by a lwayer friend we dont need one and they are just gonna charge us for basically filling out the ppwk.
We are sort of shooting for a separation but I think if she leaves, she leaves. She's a big grudge holder. Surprise, surprise right.
Martin
She is going to look at another house today and is working with a real estate agent. Good news I suppose. I dont want to get my hopes up. She is not a horrible person but she is causing me major health problems with her anger. I hope something happens today.
Martin