Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
She was doing so well. I want to dismiss it as my being too senstitive.
I posted on FB that I was feeling lonely the other night. A lady from our Sunday school saw, and came to me afterwards to express her sympathy, and that she's praying for us. My wife came and joined us, and the conversation opened up to include her, trying to encourage both of us to keep going, to find the best solution.
Then in a matter of minutes, I find myself standing there with my wife's back turned to me, while she and our friend discuss my daughter's health concerns. I'm standing there holding the box of doughnuts, and I've been completely physically cut out of the conversation.
My brain screams, 'You want to see what isolation looks like? Have a good look!'
So I turned and walked out of the room.
I called her on it later in the afternoon, once I had calmed down, and she said 'I certainly didn't mean it like that - I was trying to move towards the door, so we could get going. Sorry if it hurt you. I have to say, though, when you point out something that hurts you, it makes me feel like you're ignoring all the progress and positive things I'm doing.'
I said 'I'm sorry you feel that way, because I feel like I have been extremely generous in my praise for your progress.' And then I tuned her out. Turned my back on her and used the computer.
I just... I think...
HOW DARE SHE?!?
So discouraged and defensive right now. And even now, my brain says 'you're going to get this upset over a bit of body language and an awkwardly phrased apology?' and then it responds 'no, I"m getting this upset over the isolation, the dismissal, the disregard for my concerns, the half-hearted and negated apology, and the returned attack on me, attempting to get me to silence myself when I see hurtful behavior, as well as an accusation of defensiveness and disregard on my own part.'
And I'm not sure which side to listen to. She still got a pair of new notecards.
I posted on FB that I was feeling lonely the other night. A lady from our Sunday school saw, and came to me afterwards to express her sympathy, and that she's praying for us. My wife came and joined us, and the conversation opened up to include her, trying to encourage both of us to keep going, to find the best solution.
Then in a matter of minutes, I find myself standing there with my wife's back turned to me, while she and our friend discuss my daughter's health concerns. I'm standing there holding the box of doughnuts, and I've been completely physically cut out of the conversation.
My brain screams, 'You want to see what isolation looks like? Have a good look!'
So I turned and walked out of the room.
I called her on it later in the afternoon, once I had calmed down, and she said 'I certainly didn't mean it like that - I was trying to move towards the door, so we could get going. Sorry if it hurt you. I have to say, though, when you point out something that hurts you, it makes me feel like you're ignoring all the progress and positive things I'm doing.'
I said 'I'm sorry you feel that way, because I feel like I have been extremely generous in my praise for your progress.' And then I tuned her out. Turned my back on her and used the computer.
I just... I think...
HOW DARE SHE?!?
So discouraged and defensive right now. And even now, my brain says 'you're going to get this upset over a bit of body language and an awkwardly phrased apology?' and then it responds 'no, I"m getting this upset over the isolation, the dismissal, the disregard for my concerns, the half-hearted and negated apology, and the returned attack on me, attempting to get me to silence myself when I see hurtful behavior, as well as an accusation of defensiveness and disregard on my own part.'
And I'm not sure which side to listen to. She still got a pair of new notecards.
Then, check in with your body when she is not around. How is your body feeling then?
Next, start checking in w/your body when she is in the same room w/you but you aren't necessarily interating w/each other.
I think your body will tell you what you need to know - the TRUTH.
It's telling you what
you need to know.
You are dealing
with an ABUSER.
Listen to your gut.
Words can manipulate.
As MTC said, your body
doesnt' lie.
Please take good care.
I know you are going through lot of pain right now.
Everything you do and say gets twisted back to you..
But this is how narcs work...
I know how physically cutting the presence out means...
I was travelling from Mumbai to Delhi with my x for the first time.
He also had four of his friends(2 girls and 2 guys) joining him..They all were supposed to go to a marriage ceremony.
So, I am at the railway station with my x.Waiting for his friends to showup.
I am excited and nervous as this the first time I am travelling with him and meeting his friends.
So they come and we all say Hi..Then the train also comes.
I have a backpack and a suitcase.So I take the suitcase and backpack and start walking towards the train.
My x takes his suitcase and walks faster to one of the girl and offers to take her bag!!!
No kidding!!!
He keeps her bag and suitcase in the train.
I am all full of anger but don't say a word. I keep my suitcase and backpack near the seat.
Then he came to me and said what is wrong with you and why are you sitting with such a dull face.
I start to get angry and start crying..He just gets up go to his friend's berth and ignore me.
Then comes later to take me there.
I say I need to sleep..And I keep on crying with my face inside a sheet.
I get up to go near loo.
I give him a call and ask him to come.
Then I tell me that his behavior was incorrect while crying.
That he should have first taken my bags then hers.
I get all sad and emotional and he asks me to get my head straight and that I am over reacting and spoiling the trip for him and he goes.
Now, after the trip we(my x and me) took a cab to my place where he was suppose to drop me.
I had to apologize and stoop to newer lows.
He finally "forgave" me, all the while telling me that how inapproriate my behavior was.
Now, when I think...I can never take such a behavior from anyone.
But at that time, thanks to my x...My self esteem, my sanity everything was of no value.
I hope you are able to see the light before I did.
And are able to save your sanity.
Sending you rays of hope and happiness your way!!
Be brave...