Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
From my blog, today's "Wolf's Daily Howl"
Greetings Gentlefolk -----
Earlier this week I saw a reference to self-sabotage, and I knew I had to begin addressing it on the board.
Self-sabotage is actually a huge category. So I acknowledge upfront that whatever I manage to say in one brief Howl barely scratches the surface.
May I safely suggest that most of us here will practically scream in recognition at the mention of self-sabotage?
I know I do!
So ---- first of all, since self-sabotage is so obviously counter-productive, why do we do it?
When we've endured abuse or trauma early on, we have a compromised sense of self and entitlement. Many of us have had, "You're worthless!" drilled into our skulls (and souls!).
So, if we've been taught that we're worthless, we'll very logically work to prove that to be the case. If it looks like we have the possibility at succeeding at something, we know success is inconsistent with being worthless, which is what we've come to believe. (None of this is articulated consciously.)
We then do what it takes to prove that what we believe (what we've been [i]taught[/i] to believe) that we're worthless, is in fact, true. So we sabotage our threatening success.
That's the Reader's Digest version of where the seemingly irrational pattern of self-sabotage comes from.
Here's the Reader's Digest version of how to decrease and hopefully irradicate the pattern:
Self-care.
Self-care promotes self-respect.
Self-respect builds self-worth.
Self-worth will not tolerate the belief, "I am worthless."
With self-care, self-respect and self-worth operating, the pattern of self-sabotage will be extinguished.
This is a short essay on a huge topic.
But someimes, less is more.
Your thoughts?
Ilene
Greetings Gentlefolk -----
Earlier this week I saw a reference to self-sabotage, and I knew I had to begin addressing it on the board.
Self-sabotage is actually a huge category. So I acknowledge upfront that whatever I manage to say in one brief Howl barely scratches the surface.
May I safely suggest that most of us here will practically scream in recognition at the mention of self-sabotage?
I know I do!
So ---- first of all, since self-sabotage is so obviously counter-productive, why do we do it?
When we've endured abuse or trauma early on, we have a compromised sense of self and entitlement. Many of us have had, "You're worthless!" drilled into our skulls (and souls!).
So, if we've been taught that we're worthless, we'll very logically work to prove that to be the case. If it looks like we have the possibility at succeeding at something, we know success is inconsistent with being worthless, which is what we've come to believe. (None of this is articulated consciously.)
We then do what it takes to prove that what we believe (what we've been [i]taught[/i] to believe) that we're worthless, is in fact, true. So we sabotage our threatening success.
That's the Reader's Digest version of where the seemingly irrational pattern of self-sabotage comes from.
Here's the Reader's Digest version of how to decrease and hopefully irradicate the pattern:
Self-care.
Self-care promotes self-respect.
Self-respect builds self-worth.
Self-worth will not tolerate the belief, "I am worthless."
With self-care, self-respect and self-worth operating, the pattern of self-sabotage will be extinguished.
This is a short essay on a huge topic.
But someimes, less is more.
Your thoughts?
Ilene
Things would be going great and
I had to do or say something to
F things up.Maybe was uncomfortable
with feeling good feeling's cause had
been raised in turmoil and chaos.
Also sometimes wonder aside from
my marriage today and if I had ever
had any healthy friendships or relationships-don't think so-they always came with certain conditions.
My actions have been driven by fear and self punishment.
For example I will stall on something to get that flood of self punishing thoughts for it. I have been addicted to this negative reinforcement propelling my every move.
And when I get something done, there is no reward, its more like whew I managed that and got out of trouble.
I dont do things to prove I am good. I do things to prove I am bad. It is that sense of worthlessness in the essence but the mashine of nagative conditioning has to be addressed.
As I progressed in therapy I started to refuse to do things from this negative perspective.
I had a funny self talk tonight.
My mind was saying, you should be doing this you are bad. I say no stop it, I am not doing a squat if you give me these same old stupid shoulds that make me feel bad.
Mind says fine I will feel good if you go do it. I say fine, I will only do it if its becasue I will feel good for doing it. Mind said fine. So I got up and did it. LOL
So I think yet another compnent is rebelelion to the feelings of worthlessness that come no matter what we do. And we just dont do it becasue there is no point.