Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I finally did what I dreamed about, I left the person who called me names, put me down and pushed me around. Why don't I feel better? I am just having a hard time, feeling depressed, even though everything is going okay. Can you guys give me more ideas for self nurturing? I think I am trying to do more of that, but it is hard to think of things.....
You may be trying to figure out how to live in a world that is no longer under someone else's control and manipulation. It's easy to "get used" to a certain way of life after you've lived it for so long. Now that you can finally breathe, it may take some time to get used to your new freedom.
Don't be discouraged. Practice self nurture, that can be as simple as grabbing a book and taking some time to be alone to read it. That could be getting together with friends for an evening out every week, every few weeks, etc. That could be immersing yourself in something you love to do and maybe never got the chance to do before, like crafting, painting, sports, etc. That could be finding a local organization to volunteer at.
Counseling can also be extremely beneficial if you have not already begun that process, I would encourage that you do.
Remember, you've had someone call you names, put you down, and push you around for a long time. That probably didn't just happen overnight, so remind yourself that it will take time to heal yourself and you cannot expect that to happen overnight.
leaving abuse is an extremely
valuable resource.
I also agree that it's useful
to remind yourself that
healing takes time.
In addition, here are two exercises
I developed. I give them to
nearly every client. The first
one is called, “The Hundred and One”;
From a "dollar" or other
discount store, buy
several packs of
index cards. They
don't need to be
colorful, or large
or fancy in any way,
unless it pleases
you to get anything
beyond basic white
cards.
One item per card, write down
things that make you happy,
that light you up, make you
buzz with excitement or just
make you feel warm and cozy
or remind you of times in your
life when you felt great.
You can write down large
categories, like “music”
on one card. The next card
can be the kinds of music
you like. . . one per card.
Another card is an artist
you like, or a CD or a song.
You can write down things you
liked in childhood (because,
most of the time, we secretly
still like them), or places you've
been or places you'd like to go.
Hobbies, fragrances, colors
movies, movie stars, activities,
food groups, seasons. . . . .if you
like it name it.
And since you've now named it,
you're more likely to claim it.
The dynamics of this exercise are
that, focusing on things that nurture
and nourish you, AFFIRMS you.
Having these cards that are
entirely about you now, also,
gives you a resource for
moments when you feel
like nothing makes you
happy. They're a reminder
that lots of things, do.
Don't number the cards. Just
make as many as you can.
When you have a good stack,
(I challenge my clients to
come up with at least 101),
tie them with a pretty ribbon
and find a nice box or draw
string bag. Put them in a
special place.
Doing the Hundred and One
is also a reminder that you're
important enough to be your focus,
to schedule play time, happy time,
YOU time, into your to do list.
A second exercise I developed
is called:
WOW is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, one item per card:
write down things you've
accomplished, strengths
you have, talents you have,
ways you've succeeded,
things you're proud of,
special abilities. (For
instance, [at a rapidly
advancing age], I can
still [one at a time!]
pull my legs totally
behind my head and
touch the opposite ear!)
If you run out of things,
ask those who love you
to help you.
Both these exercises are about
supporting ourself to embrace
and love ourself, within our
spirit and out in the world.
The Clarifying Index Card exercise,
The Hundred and One, and WOW
is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are all
copyrighted material:
Copyright, Ilene Wolf/Healing Wolf Tracks; 2007
Like physical exercise for oxytocin, cuddling animals, doing good deeds, meditation. Feeling dopamine by doing something that exhilarates you. Trying 'brand new things' for a laugh by building a bucket list (she has got achievable things that include going on walks, and things like riding a mechanical bull, pole dancing class, hot yoga). Confiding in supportive friends. Me time. Also talking to an experienced therapist. The book puts a spin on tactics that abusers use and how they can be flipped around and used as a form of healing. While this book is primarily aimed at narcissistic abuse and covert, underhanded methods of abuse, I think a lot of what is said in terms of healing can be used for other forms of abuse.