This is what it means for me and I had to learn it because I too didn't get it: Taking care of me and finding out what I like that makes me feel good. Being quiet, reading, walking outside, lighting candles, making positive lists about myself and what I like about myself, cooking what I like, being with my dog, being with my friends and family. Mostly I am learning how to be with me and take care of me. Paying my own bills, cleaning my house and so on. I hope this helps.

To me, self-care feels like this:

Imagine a close personal friend or family member, and they're going through hell. Really falling apart, you know? They don't have any time or money or even desire to take a moment for themselves. What would you advise them to do?

Now, remember that you're closer to yourself than any of your friends. It's not only ok, it's important to love yourself. In abusive situations, nearly everyone ends up being trained to forget that - it makes it real easy to manipulate people, if they feel guilty for taking care of themselves. So, self-care is just that: those little, forgiving, kind things that you can do for yourself. Watch your favorite tv, buy a candy bar or a small toy that catches your eye, take your time while you walk, cook a nice hot meal. Even just taking a moment to look in your own eyes in the mirror to say "This must suck for you so much - I'm proud of you for handling this so well.' Because you're going through a really rough time, and you'd really appreciate a thoughtful, loving gesture from someone who truly understands. And because you deserve it.

To what's already been said. . . .

yes, and yes!

Self-care may include,
but is not limited to. . .

anything that

nourishes,
nurtures,
contributes to
healthy routines
and maintenance. . .

(like eating for health,
getting restful sleep
and exercising)

things/activities
that may be either
pleasurable
(like a bubble bath
or manicure or
spa day)
or
tedious
(like flossing teeth
or doing taxes
or doing medical
screening or car
maintenance)

education,
day-trips or
vacations,
socializing,

maintaining
HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

(like saying no to a request
or not attending a family
function where you know
you won't feel "safe")

or anything else that
contributes to our
current and future
self-reliance and
well-being.

Thank you for your responses. These are good ideas. I know I need to do such things for myself. I have to fight with the part of me that says I've got to be self sacrificing ... sadly, that is deeply ingrained in my heart and soul. I feel guilty about doing things for myself. I also put off caring for myself as I have been raising my 7 yr old granddaughter since she was an infant. She has some needs above even the 'average' child as she has issues such as RAD due to neglect and abuse from her bio parent. I am really trying to help her learn to be a good, caring, respectful and responsible person and yes, I'll need to model self love, self care and self respect if she's to learn it.

Exactly!!!!!!!!

How nice of you to guide your granddaughter that way! I totally agree with you- one of the landmark pieces of advice I've gotten on childcare was that children won't always follow your words, but they will act the way you do, so be the person you want them to be! TOTALLY WORKING.

Fortress, may I just say what a special and lovely person you are. You sound like you are doing lots of fantastic nurturing, and you deserve at least that same level of care yourself - at the very LEAST!

I agree with all the above posters on their wonderful definitions of self care, and hope that you can give some of those valuable things to yourself as you do your caring for others.

You're a star :) Lots of hugs xxx

Thanks again. I appreciate the suggestions and kind words. Positivity is awesome !