Confusion is a hallmark of
having been emotionally abused.

Addictions. . . . "not being able
to help oneself. . . . " is NOT
a free pass for mistreating
others.

Why do you doubt that
No Contact isn't the
best option?

llene, He has not threatned me in anyway, shape or form that I can think of. He stops calling when I don't answer and maybe I brought some of this on myself? I did break contact at Christmas due to my extreme lonliness as I really don't get along with my family and he was good enough to include me in his day . I just feel like sometimes I portray him unfairly as he is not a bad person, we are just sometimes bad together. Not sure if I am making sense?

I hope you decide to keep it at no contact because like Ilene said "confusion is the hallmark of having been abused" I did the same thing and went back with my ex and it just got worse every time. So you can regress back and give him a chance but he is also an addict so contact is not going to bring you any good thing. Take it from me a recovering addict. Addicts are some of the worst abusers and when I was using (23 years ago) I was ruthless and a good con artist too. I am not proud of my addiction but it is very real and if your not on drugs you dont belong with someone who is it would never work. It doesnt' even work for drug addicts together so.... There is no excuse not even addiction for causing you pain wether its emotional or physical it is very real. Just knowing he is an addict I would bet you were abused. I would bet good money on it.

Joanie, you have no reason to apologize. Please keep posting here.

Addicts are abusive, no ifs ands or buts. And being an addict does NOT excuse the abuse. They make the choice to use and they make the choice to behave how they behave. It took me 20 years to figure that out. Please don't let it take that long for you.

Abuse is abuse is abuse. That includes mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual, physical, financial, etc.

There's big trauma (where they beat the crap out of you) and there's little trauma, where they might say cutting things that you might not even notice. But when you build one little trauma on top of another, it's still abuse.

No abuse is petty, no matter if you think someone else's abuse is worse than yours. There will always be someone better off & someone worse off. But again, abuse is abuse is abuse.

Please contact your local shelter & see if they have a group you can attend to help you learn about & cope w/abuse.

And keep posting here. Reach out to some of your friends here to chat. We are here to support you!!!

Big hugs!!!

Joanie, you never need to apologize for coming on here. I'm glad to see you back but not glad that you felt the need to come back, if you get what I mean. The others are right, the confusion and doubts are all part of it, we all feel it. Please stay NC if you can x

A familiar feeling for me is to see the truth about my abuser and then go into hiding again and think "what was I thinking? He is not that bad." The fact is that probably most of these abusive partners can be sweet, charming, pick us up when we are in need(sometimes) be super helpful.....these are all tools in their toolbox, sad to say. Why else would we have been and sometimes still be so attracted? BUT they are sadly enough, still abusive. Gets confusing. Getting outside support and clarity helps me....
Nice to hear from you....

Thank you all for your replies and support. It is much appreciated. After 8 days of NC, he contacted. I did not take the call, but it of course still upset me. I had a Dr's appmt about my migraines and asked him about counseling and therapist. He gave me some numbers but they were Christian counselors. While I don't have anything against religion and I actually pray for others at night before going to sleep, including my abusers, I also believe in other things. I am very open and don't want to be limited by a certain mindset. So I got a number from a friend who works at a mental health/addiction support center so I hope they can help me with the issues I have.
It will be objective support by a certified counselor/therapist, female, and according to my friend, she is suppossed to be good at her job and very nice. My appmt is March 7th, so hoping for the best.

Hi Joanie,
I am sorry I am late in answering as I have been out of the country.
I just wanted to add my, please, please don't apologize for the way you feel.
Please do what you have to do to keep yourself safe and happy. Listen to your gut.
Counseling seems like a terrific idea. Just get one that you FEEL that will be able to help you. Good luck