Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This l hope is a message of encouragement to all of you in abusive situations. There are so many of you, it breaks my heart.
I had a horrendous relationship of 16 years, broken bones, was poisoned, pets killed, raped. On and on the list goes. So i do know how you feel.
But l left.
This is what l want you all to know.
When you think you are weak for staying, you are actually very strong, as it takes an amazing amount of strength to put up with abuse.
It is the opposite, the abuser is the weak one, as they need to do this to keep you, which makes them weak, as all they can do is control with fear. but they strip away your self esteem until you have none, and you believe you can never leave.
Well you can! Everyones situation is unique and individual, so there is no absolute magical answer.
But l think the first step is
You need to believe that you are strong, You need to tell yourself daily that you are strong, that you dont deserve it, and you dont want it
Example, when your partner says something insulting and hurting. Silently tell yourself, actually scream it to yourself NO IM NOT. IM A GREAT PERSON, AND I DONT DESERVE THIS
I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
And tell yourself over and over again on a daily basis, that you deserve to be happy and you
The first thing is believing you can do it, and never give up.
There is always a way out believe it.
I will listen and help anyone who is in a terrible situation, as was my promise to myself when l recovered.
I had a horrendous relationship of 16 years, broken bones, was poisoned, pets killed, raped. On and on the list goes. So i do know how you feel.
But l left.
This is what l want you all to know.
When you think you are weak for staying, you are actually very strong, as it takes an amazing amount of strength to put up with abuse.
It is the opposite, the abuser is the weak one, as they need to do this to keep you, which makes them weak, as all they can do is control with fear. but they strip away your self esteem until you have none, and you believe you can never leave.
Well you can! Everyones situation is unique and individual, so there is no absolute magical answer.
But l think the first step is
You need to believe that you are strong, You need to tell yourself daily that you are strong, that you dont deserve it, and you dont want it
Example, when your partner says something insulting and hurting. Silently tell yourself, actually scream it to yourself NO IM NOT. IM A GREAT PERSON, AND I DONT DESERVE THIS
I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
And tell yourself over and over again on a daily basis, that you deserve to be happy and you
The first thing is believing you can do it, and never give up.
There is always a way out believe it.
I will listen and help anyone who is in a terrible situation, as was my promise to myself when l recovered.
He's out of the house now. It's hard. Staying was hard too. I don't judge women in either position.
Here's something that helped me when we were together. I found it on the web:
Think Positively
Focus on your Goals
Find a quiet place every day to listen to your Inner Voice
Live your life. He will live on, you should too.
Take a Baby step every day.
Avoid negative people.
Perservere.
Ask for Help.
Accept Help.
Have Faith. This will not last forever. By making small changes over time, you will overcome.
Your friends at DS are here for you. You can survive together or apart. You can do it!
Hoping they can understand that they can get out.
Like a famous book states. FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY, your already scared, you can take being scared, you have taken being abused, so you can have all the coping skills already for difficult situations. Just take the next step and leave.
You see l lived with it so long, l started to analayze myself why i put up with it for so long, everyone has their own reason
I told my self well if im scared with him, and scared with out him. I choose scared without him .
I also told myself that if i continued to live this life, well my children would have miserable lives, and when they had the chance to they would run away. Why in the world would they stay.
We werent allowed to have any friends over, my children were miserable, and scared too.
That life did effect my eldest son, he is now 21, and suffers from lack of confidence, and is very scared of his dad still.
I analayzed my fear of being scared with out him, and being scared to leave, it was wanting to know where he was, wanting to be able to monitor him, so i would know what to do next.
Its called post stress syndrome, you sort of bond with your captor, i felt safer knowing where he was, so i could be ready, ready to protect myself
It took 9 years after l left him, for him to actually leave me alone. It initally took throwing him in jail, when i was at my weakest point . But the police helped me.
Now im so so strong, l want to tell others that you can do it, I want them to be so angry at being treated this way.
I want them to see the light, and leave, and leave safely
I hate abusers, they rip the soul out of beautiful women, who start to not believe in themselves. They destroy happiness, ruin innocence, ruin the lives of who they profess they love.
So if you are in this relationship.
Scream inside to yourself... HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME and believe it, because you are worth it.
I always said, when asked how did you know it was time to leave, that I knew, because staying was scarier than leaving.
We all deserve a life of joy, peace, fulfillment. Anyone who tries to take that from us is a small weak person....and in the end they will live in their self made hell.
You CAN do it...Don't stay with someone who hurts you!
Well that again is very individual
The time is right ,when you have had enough!!!
For me 16 years..... Not wasted i tell myself now, a learned experience, which i know can help others.
Some could view as a wasted 16 years, Me i class it as, well im so understanding of the mindset of living with abuse, now i can help and give my advice
please listen :)
When I was in my abusive marriage my main mantra was, "My thoughts are quiet and to myself." My ex loved to create chaos on a daily basis and I tried to remain zen girl.
I have noticed that surviving abuse has made me an incredibly patient person. After surviving what I have been through nothing seems so tough anymore.
I have also played with the idea of getting a tattoo that says "Pursuit of Happiness" (on my bum? ;-). It's in our Declaration of Independence and allegedly something we are all entitled to. Never forget that.
Happy 2009... it's brand new shiny year :)