Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Finally got out for a bit yesterday when an old friend called and invited me over to his place. We had reconnected through facebook and it has been a while since we have seen each other. We were casually seeing each other back before Christmas of last, more in the late summer and due to his job that takes him away quite often and well my ex and his hot and cold with me, we stopped hanging out. We never crossed the friendship line but I do believe we could. He dated other women while hanging out with me and knew of the abusive ex but didn't really think I was still seeing him. I never told him what to do as we were not intimate so I figured it was not my business.
Anyway, when he started dating a girl seriously and could not hang out with me as friends anymore, it hurt sure, but I was so wrapped up in the abuisve ex, that I just kind of isolated to myself anyway.
Well, since then my friend has reconnected wtih me and there are sparks as there really were then but there is just such a friendship as well, that I am not sure what to do with this?
Anyway, to try to wrap this up, I went to his place and we got to talking and he asked if I was still seeing that douchbag (his words) that I had been seeing and I said no and he said he was not dating the girl he had been either. We got talking about dating and he said his friends that we hung out with mutually asked why WE didn't just date, they liked me. As I said, we have never kissed or had any intimacy the whole time we hung out and we met online and started out on a date, but we just formed such a friendship. The most we have done is hug and cuddle a bit on the couch while watching movies.
It is like we can kid with each other, we can talk, we can laugh together, talk about other people but we are awkard with each other. I am attracted to him and there is a definate sexual tension but I can't make a move and I honestly don't want to lose the friendship, yet it bothers me when I know he is on a date?
Sorry if this is a ramble..it is just we do have a connection but I just don't know where to go with it and he is not aggressive like all the other men I have been around. I am afraid if I hang out with him like last time I will get my emotions involved again and he will end up just finding another more aggressive woman who goes after him in that way and I will end up alone again?
I really hate how socially awkward I am. :(
Anyway, when he started dating a girl seriously and could not hang out with me as friends anymore, it hurt sure, but I was so wrapped up in the abuisve ex, that I just kind of isolated to myself anyway.
Well, since then my friend has reconnected wtih me and there are sparks as there really were then but there is just such a friendship as well, that I am not sure what to do with this?
Anyway, to try to wrap this up, I went to his place and we got to talking and he asked if I was still seeing that douchbag (his words) that I had been seeing and I said no and he said he was not dating the girl he had been either. We got talking about dating and he said his friends that we hung out with mutually asked why WE didn't just date, they liked me. As I said, we have never kissed or had any intimacy the whole time we hung out and we met online and started out on a date, but we just formed such a friendship. The most we have done is hug and cuddle a bit on the couch while watching movies.
It is like we can kid with each other, we can talk, we can laugh together, talk about other people but we are awkard with each other. I am attracted to him and there is a definate sexual tension but I can't make a move and I honestly don't want to lose the friendship, yet it bothers me when I know he is on a date?
Sorry if this is a ramble..it is just we do have a connection but I just don't know where to go with it and he is not aggressive like all the other men I have been around. I am afraid if I hang out with him like last time I will get my emotions involved again and he will end up just finding another more aggressive woman who goes after him in that way and I will end up alone again?
I really hate how socially awkward I am. :(
But I will say this, I don't think u r ready just yet because of your worries and I will also say this, to eliminate these worries you'll be best talking to him about your feelings and concerns and see where he is at with it, u might be singing from the same hymn book with it? He may feel kind of similar, it's like the fear of the unknown and yes the unknown is scary but also if both of u talk about it openly it will be a little bit less if the unknown because communication is key as well as gut feelings!
That's the only advice I can give you as to what steps to take!
Knowing his feelings for sure may help u to decide what u want and if u r ready!
You are putting yourself out there, and that takes risk! You are not socially awkward, you were recently hurt. You are now cautious with your feelings. That is NORMAL.
I would talk to him about how you feel. Perhaps what he thinks about the reason why you two never seriously dated when that is how you met? Judge his response and act accordingly. Most importantly, listen to that quiet voice inside of you about how you feel about this man and what level of connection you are ready to have with him.
Stay true to yourself, and you will always win!! :)
It seems all the advice I could offer has already been done, by you in your past relationships. I am happy you already know this guy. You say he knows about your abuse. If he is smart, he will take all the time needed for you to feel comfortable.
I know you will be cautious, but I also hope it doesn't overshadow the fun you could be hopefully having with this guy.
Good luck!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You said: "I am afraid that this butterfly feeling in my gut will soon turn into panic and dread. Yet I don't know how to bring up that fact to him as I don't want him to think he is anything like these men."
A "normal" man -- meaning, not an abuser -- will understand this fear on some level, even if he's not a guy who's totally connected with emotions and able to talk about them.
I agree -- take it slow, listen to the quietest voice inside you, and do your best to get used to being with yourself as well as with someone else. One of the hardest things, but I think all the other women and men on this board would agree -- loving ourselves and spending time with ourselves is one of the most important steps in healing.
(((hugs)))
I wish I could talk about my feelings. It seems so strange. We can talk about so much and yet when it comes down to that, awkward silence.