Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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tonyaabernathy 09/06/2011

I am so sure of my decision one minute and the next ,I am sure of nothing.Tomorrow is the day everything is to be filed.I am so nervous that maybe I am over reacting that maybe I am wrong.It has taking me forever to give the attorney the go ahead to file for me.I have been so scared of actually doing it,I am afraid of what my children will think of me.That maybe I haven't endured enough to call it quits. But at the same time I do not think a women could be more miserable than I am.I have felt like a prisoner without actual bars for forever! He has controlled my everything, my entire life, and I have hated all of it.I so want out but have so much anxiety about it,have any of you experienced this?I think I should be feeling better but I don't I know it will be a bitter fight to the end for us because of who my H is , he is a Narc and so evil He hates that he is losing control of me and he will make things as difficult as absolutely possible for me.So I think another reason I am having a hard time is the fact that I am taking his control over me away.Which I know sounds so strange but I have lived so long being under control I don't know what it is like to not be controlled.Yeah it sounds crazy to me too.But I question my own thoughts my own wants because my H has always been the one who has told me what I can do and can not do and what I have ever thought has pretty much always been wrong according to him.So now I wont have him to tell me what I can do or not and what is the right thing for me is.So as crazy as it seems I'm scared I'm going to fail at whatever I do or I decide to do .Well that's something else I need to work on to because anything I have ever done or wanted to do is stupid as far as he is concerned been told this for 25 years that I'm incapable of making a decision.So you see the closer I get to making these decisions that are against his wishes and what he wants the more nervous I am becoming.But there is something inside of me that is telling me this is the right thing that I can get through a divorce to him and have a better life one day.

IleneW 09/06/2011

You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deleted_user 09/07/2011

Making decisions starts hard but it gets easier with every one that you make. You can do it; you've already been making great decisions for yourself recently.

tonyaabernathy 09/07/2011

Thank you for your support,I so need it right now!!!

deleted_user 09/07/2011

I can honesty say, I feel exacty the same way. I have just left my rship 2 weeks ago and it has been a tough uphill climb so far but it's true what they say that each day does get a little bit easier. I do miss him despite the way the rship had been for so long (control, manipulation, physical abuse at times). I think of him everyday but I try and remember all the awful things and the new things I can now do. I spoke to a colleague about the same feelings as you, that as crazy as it seems, I am used to living in a cage and freedom is scary. In a way, I feel like the control was affection (although I know that sounds crazy too). I guess my point is, you're not alone. So far I have been able to catch ip with friends, got to the football, walks with the dog whenever I want and beginning to think about planning my financial future. I am keeping as busy as possible and taking time to pamper myself a little. It does feel strange but I feel like I will slowly get used to the freedom and I'm sure you will too! Good luck :)

rachelrachel 09/07/2011

It's funny. In so many ways, I feel the same as you.

As if their feelings, and what they want is the only thing that exists, or has any right to exist.

I actually feel as if I'm crazy, or as if I'm two people. One part is logical-looks at all the abuse that has occurred, and says 'yes, she needs to get out.'

the other part rears it's desolate head every once in a while and suddenly squeaks out "wait a minute! there's nothing really wrong here! we fight as much or less than other couples! what are you doing! what about your family! the kids! you're just being sensitive..picking apart little things..he's a good man..a good father..'

then-I look back, and I read each of those sentences that I just wrote..

and those are HIS words.

I've been trying to stomp down this evil little mini abuser that obviously lives in my head-I think it used to be me, and is shrinking, and the real me, the one who knows that this situation is abusive, is growing bigger and stronger, and has pretty much taken over, to the point where I am seriously leaving..

but man, that tiny little abuser in my head is a bit of a screamer!

Try to listen to that voice in your head-the doubtful one, and just see if it's really the words that your abusive husband put in there.

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