Women who end up in dangerous and pathological relationships often end up there because they like (or find interesting) "living on the edge." They don't like their boring lives, and that extends to liking men who are edgy as well. No boring normal geek men--Nope! The more the edge/bad boy/outlaw/rebel (or the more you perceive they need some support to keep an honest life afloat) the more you like them.

This "edge-walking" landed you right in the lap of a dangerous and pathological man. In the beginning, edgy seems neutral--it's too early to know that his edginess is going to cost you. All you know is he's a long way from boring and that's okay with you. It is long time before you know that his "edge":

Is emotionally addicting for you
Is narcissism (or worse!)
Is about rejecting authority
Is all about him
Isn't the cool "James Dean" type of edge
Isn't artsy, educational, intellectual, musical, poetic or religious
Isn't about riding fast in his convertible, or having daring sex or making risky financial investments
Isn't about you or your own enjoyment of everything edgy
Isn't about his party lifestyle or his commanding presence when others are around
Isn't about sad stories he told about his life to use as emotional bonding with you

And it's a long time before you realize his "edge":

Consumes your self-esteem for lunch
Doesn't make YOU cool for being with him
Doesn't mean you are an "in" girl to love someone like him
Didn't mean you were supposed to "tame" a bad boy or "heal" a wounded one
Can't be fixed, counseled, medicated, or churched
Can't be loved into something less savage and more soothing
Was really just a trail of wounded women behind him
Was unrelenting lying, broken promises, and changes he could never make, no matter how long he promised or how hard he tried
Was not really brilliance unrecognized, charm unspoiled, or love unrequited
Was one thing ... and one thing only ...

His edge was pathology.

This totally describes my relationship with the X.