I welcome them. I even bring them on by writing--I am writing a memoir and re-reading the old e-mails as I write. I believe that unshed tears become depression and physical illness, and that you have to shed the tears in your heart. When I am extremely sad, I give into to a deep long cry. I sit with a belief that God is holding my hand and I cry. But you can think that your mother or anyone who loves you is with you and cares. This way, I never (almost never) go to a place of feeling forsaken, unloved or to a place of hurt more than I can bear. I keep it only about my ex, although I do ask god, "Why did you allow this to happen to me again?" As I was married to a very bad man previously.

Comfoting yourself helps this process, too. I light candles, I wrap myself in a nubby comoforter, wrap my hands around a warm cup of tea, put on some plush socks.

I'm still with my husband, even though I don't want to anymore. Yes, being sad about good times, or the could have-s and should have-s.
We are nostalgic for something that never existed, for the dream, that was only in our head...
I'm so sorry...
I just cry, and run every morning to clear out my head.

I ponder in them, and cry a little and then go about my day. I don't ignore the memories, they were a part of my life. Atleast I have some good memories, because it wasn't all bad. A lot of our relationship wasn't bad, it was the times when he didn't get his way that were bad.

I understand how you feel, but i know your pain is not my pain, and I have been feeling that way myself lately, the holidays are here and that's why it's so sad. I don't know what i am going to do about Thanksgiving, I am going to miss it. But, I am going to try my best to keep my head up.

I hope you will do the same.

Thanks for your responses :) I know it is hard to work through all the emotions, most of the time I just shut them off and don't pay attention to them, but I know it isn't healthy. I want to start counseling but I'm just not ready yet.

For me, the most important thing was to accept my feelings. Emotions are neither right nor wrong, they just are. Even the ones that make no sense, even the times you are both happy and sad at the same time.

You loved this man, you had some good times, you had hopes and dreams. Where that has all gone, due to his abuse, IS sad. You have every right to feel sad when remembering those good times. Allow yourself to feel - it's hard and it hurts, but ultimately it helps you to accept yourself if you can first accept your emotions.

Purple you can shut them off all you want, eventually they are going to come out. There is a freedom in the release. What I do sometimes, is put the sad songs on that I know are going to make me cry and then I do. Because I can't ignore it, I'm human, it hurts to the core of my soul, how can you deny your soul, that release. It's therapeutic for me, kind of like yoga for some, or that meditation release.

You have to feel the pain, to get past it. If your not feeling the pain, your just prolonging it, trust me, I've been through 2 failed marriages, and a failed engagement, I know.

But everyone grieves in their own way, I hope your able to trust yourself and start the process of going through the emotions and just letting go. It's also a way of coming to terms that you say to yourself, ok I know it's over and I have to let go of it. It's a process, it's healing.

you wrote that journal entry because you ARE a badass superwoman. this just happens to be the part they don't show in the movie where you retreat to your lair and yell, cry, drink tea and burn pictures. you regroup. then, a bad guy tries to steal the crown jewels and you spring into action, kicking butt again.

so much of getting out of an abusive relationship is like malaria. sweaty, nauseating, delirium-inducing, and all because something annoying stuck it's stinger in you. it takes a long time to get the poison out of your system, so cry, write, walk, ride, paint and channel it out. and sometimes lay dramatically with a cold compress on your head and complain a little, because you have malaria and it sucks to have malaria. but then remember that it's just malaria. and you're a badass superwoman. you win.