Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have really been feeling good for the past month and a half. It's almost been 4 months since I shut the door on him for good. But now, out of nowhere, I have become a depressed mess....crying on and off for the past two days. And I hate it!
I can't see any real triggers causing this except for maybe all the holiday fanfare. I'm still seeing a therapist weekly and am grateful to have an appt. on Friday. With that said, I do kind of feel like I'm in a holding pattern with my therapy. I somehow need to shift the focus from him and all the unfairness, to me and learning to really value and love myself. And to truly see that leaving him was a miracle I gave myself.
I just feel I should be passed the tears. We were only together three years and it wasn't even a marriage. I simply can't stand having him in my head anymore. He is so undeserving of my thoughts or cares.
I wonder if this is a minor setback or if I am not doing all that I need to be doing to get well again.
I can't see any real triggers causing this except for maybe all the holiday fanfare. I'm still seeing a therapist weekly and am grateful to have an appt. on Friday. With that said, I do kind of feel like I'm in a holding pattern with my therapy. I somehow need to shift the focus from him and all the unfairness, to me and learning to really value and love myself. And to truly see that leaving him was a miracle I gave myself.
I just feel I should be passed the tears. We were only together three years and it wasn't even a marriage. I simply can't stand having him in my head anymore. He is so undeserving of my thoughts or cares.
I wonder if this is a minor setback or if I am not doing all that I need to be doing to get well again.
Personally, I think you are doing fine. But healing is also not linear - it comes with setbacks, backslides, sidesteps and spin arounds. It seems from the outside that you are making real progress, and that's the aim. There isn't an "end point", there's only progress.
Maybe accept your emotions as they surface and that will enable you to process more effectively. If you start 'making' yourself try to be a certain way, it could block what wants to still come out and be expressed and released.
Take care of yourself xx
Take care of yourself. Sending hugs,
You have grown so much since you came on this board, whether you realize it or not. Do not feel bad for feeling sad or down. We all do. We all experience those moments.
What has helped me is pinpointing why I am sad... Do I miss him? The the life we had shared together? Certain memories? Do I miss being in a relationship?
The questions take the focus off of him, and puts the attention back on me. Feeling into the pain isn't always pleasant, but it is the feastesr way to healing. Frankly, they have been given too much of our lives, times and thoughts.
There comes a point in therapy when reviewing the past is no longer helpful, and the focus (and I can only speak for myself) needs to be on actions and on taking small obtainable steps to achieve the life you deserve and that is worthy of you! :)
Sending you much love and comforting hugs!!!
Free...I did just that...tried to id where the sadness and tears are coming from and I just can't pinpoint it. I think it must be a mixture of things.
I made a pledge to myself this morning that if any thoughts of him pop up in my head, I will quickly dismiss them with a big red X. And if any specific thoughts regarding his cruel treatment make it pass the X somehow, I will retort loudly (in my mind, or course), "how dare he!"
I hope everyone has a peaceful day.
these things take time. you can only do what you're doing..going to counseling and talking, letting time take it's course.
i think it could be the holidays too and maybe even the winter. how about being extra nice to yourself...some hot chocolate w/ a candy cane?! you know i got a membership to the zoo for me and my daughter and when it wasn't totally freezing, it made me feel so good just to see the animals...it's hard...but if you hv access to something to do..try to do it. big hugs.
Honestly as abnormal as it feels, it is actually perfectly normal that u feel this way!
Your crying and down because your facing things (emotions) bit by bit, your psyche knows when it's ready to release, so...let it!
Healing has a cycle, your going around a cycle.
Imagine your putting your mind on a superwash in the washing machine, you've put it on a big cycle, it's still washing out all the dirt, just let it wash.
There is no where u should be in therapy other than where u are right now. Go with the flow!!!!!
Sometimes u get stuck in therapy, that's also normal, you mind is processing lots and until its finished then you can't move forward, but u will.
And just so u know, every now and then my ex is on my mind, not half as often as he was but he is and it's been over a year since I shut the door on my ex. When he pops into my head, it's no longer a problem, no longer an invasion, it's just something I need to look at and I just let myself automatically do it. Once it's done I get in with my life until he pops into my thoughts again.
Every time it gets easier, lighter and I get to work out what I needed to and then I become stronger, he gets weaker (in my mind)
In all honesty, I don't think any of us will most likely forget about our abusive ex's, but we can also learn to live with the memories in a safe and peaceful way.