Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi Everyone. I just discovered this website a few days ago and I would appreciate the opportunity to join your support group. I have been reading through the posts on here, and I amazed at how much I have in common with all of you. I would love to learn from your experiences, share some of my own knowledge and just enjoy the positive and supportive vibe here. Thanks!
This is a warm, supportive place.
I hope you'll find what you need here.
Ilene
Welcome.
Share your story.... allow others to listen, support, and love you.
Bottom line: I was in love with a narcissistic and pathologically jealous partner. Sometimes I still can't believe how a relationship that started off so beautifully could have ended with such intense heartbreak and emotional damage to me. It feels like the most amazing dream that turned into a horrifying nightmare. At times I actually question if the entire thing actually happened. Then I look at the old emails and text messages and listen to the voice mails that I saved and I am amazed-it really happened to me.
We met each other at work and instantly clicked. We had all kinds of common interests and spent the next 10 months becoming best friends before we ever even kissed. Taking things really slowly felt right, since we both were coming off of failed long-term relationships. Our friendship eventually turned into love and it felt incredible to be so head over heels in love with my best friend. I had never been happier or more content in my life. The next year of our relationship was easy. We started making plans for our future together.
Then things began changing. The company we worked at started laying off a lot of people and he was let go in the first round of layoffs. Within 6 weeks he was able to land another job doing the same type of work for the same amount of pay. I definitely missed working with him, but he was able to get his career right back on track and things were so solid between us.
Once we weren't working together anymore, his jealousy started showing up. It started off so subtle that it didn't set off any warning bells in my head. He would make a slightly odd comment here or there, but I chalked it up to him adjusting to a new job and all of the stresses that go along with it. I have to admit, I never had to deal with jealousy in any of my previous relationships, so I was completely unprepared for what it would turn into.
He could not handle me still working at that company, while he was "locked out" as he referred to it. We had a close group of mutual friends at the company. Instead of that being a source of comfort, he felt threatened because he wasn't working there anymore. The jealousy started with him asking me what I was wearing to work on a daily basis, which then turned into a question of who I had meetings with and who I was eating lunch with. He literally became obsessed with every aspect of my work day. I was completely in love with him and had never given him any reason to doubt my feelings for him, so I was confused and did everything I could to reassure him and make him feel comfortable. One day, he finally admitted that he had jealousy issues in the past. Once his secret was revealed, from there the jealousy just festered into an issue that consumed him every minute of every day that we weren't together.
He literally attempted to control every aspect of my life. I was told what clothes I could wear, who I could socialize with, what activities I could do, etc. If I didn't do as I was "told" he would break into a panic attack or start raging at me. All the things he initially loved and respected about me (my intelligence, my warmth, my looks, my work ethic, my independence, my friends) became fuel for rage, distrust and abuse from him. I completely lost all sense of boundaries in my effort to make him relax and feel happy. Eventually, I just could not be "good enough" and his panic attacks and raging anger were a constant part of his personality.
He broke up with me at least a dozen times, because he claimed that I was causing him so much anger, hurt and anxiety by not just doing what he asked me to do. I didn't understand pathological jealousy and I thought there was something that I could do to make things better. I begged him to get help. I was heart broken, confused, scared, ashamed, etc. After 6 months of breaking up and getting back together (I knew better than to keep going back with him, but I couldn't bear to let all my dreams of this "perfect" relationship" die. He eventually snapped one night and made veiled threats involving a gun to me and about some of my family. I spent the entire night crying and shaking uncontrollably on my bathroom floor.
The next day I woke up and decided that I would no longer allow myself to be a victim. I was afraid for my life. I told my psychologist what had happened (she had been warning me for months that his behavior would escalate), she called his voice mail and left him a 10 minute message informing him that if he ever contacted me again, that we would be filing a personal protection order and that he would be arrested based on the emails, texts, and voicemail messages I had saved. She also offered him crisis phone numbers to get help. I have never heard from him again.
It's been four months. I know I made the right decision, but I still mourn the loss of all the dreams I had made with him. Sometimes I feel like I am never going to feel whole again. I can't help but wonder if he misses me and feels regret over how things ended or he hates me and blames me for what happened. I will never truly have closure and that is hard for me. My heart is broken beyond anything that I could have ever imagined.
I apologize that this is so long, but I have to admit that it felt really good to write it out. Thanks.
I'm sorry for your pain, you have come to the right place, and it will get easier.
That is quite a story. I was involved with an N too...they're very scary people to get tangled up with. I know it hurts, but it's really a good thing that you got away.
You have quite the advocate in your therapist for her to take that step and to stand up for you and your safety.
I encourage you to use the search tab, and look for the many posts on emotional abusers and narcissism...these may help answer a lot of questions you have.
I highly recommend reading "It's All About Him" by Lisa E. Scott. The book is an easy read, and is sooooo helpful and informative.
You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulder. Its okay to mourn. BUT, stay here and learn WHY you never want to have contact with him again. Until he finds another victim, you will be on his radar. And in some cases unless you break off off contact period, the jealousy and anger still escalates and then the meeting where the damage will be done for what you did to him. Feel good that you escaped. Watch your back. Learn all you can about the abuse to help you avoid it in the future.
Good luck to you.
Harmonytwin - I can relate to your situation completely. I cannot fully respond right now as I am heading out, but will respond back later. I am brand new to the site. I would like to chat with you. :-)