I am also a domestic violence survivor. This happened to me way back in 1971. There were no women's shelters, hotlines, or police arrests back then. Society was not educated as to abusers and their spouses. People assumed that if the wife would just try harder to avoid provoking the man, the abuse would stop. In other words, blame and victim. The wife was doing something wrong. Although I had never been educated about domestic violence, I recognized that the man I married was a sadist and a lunatic. I stayed only two months. I did not continue to "love" him after the verbal, psychological, and physical abuse.

Typo. I meant to say "blame the victim" not blame and victim.

I agree with Ilene (and welcome back Ilene!!)....this is long past "emotional abuse"....punching walls crosses the line....this is physical and it is violent.

Thanks patti. Also, now I see my attempts to get this response posted went up. Don't know why I couldn't see them then. Not enjoying this new site so far, but will continue to try to continue to post and respond.

Thank you for your advice. I do have a safety plan in place. I don't have many people as support but I do have a friend who is married to a local police officer that told me when I'm ready to leave the boys and I can come there for a few months. I think even if I have money to move out on my own I may do this for a wall of protection. Their house is out in the country but has neighbors meaning its hard for him to drive by (and they have a garage where they already told me I would park my car so he cant see when I'm there and when I'm not) but there is a neighbor next door that is always home in case he would get brave enough to come there. I realized last night straight up that I'm scared of him. It's been something that's been hard for me to admit.... the actual fear of him but I am. I think that's why I haven't left. I'm afraid to push him "too far". I locked myself in the bathroom last night and cried because I feel like I'm crazy. He acts like there is nothing wrong with us and even yesterday asked me why I seem upset with him when we had fought the day before and not hardly spoken to each other three days before that. It confuses me so much how he can act like nothing happened but I feel like my world is crumbling. As I type this I actually find myself thinking "am I making this up? Am I really just delusional?" How messed up is that?

It's not you. Your last comment describes most who are in abusive relationships. We are NOT delusional. The abuser is. They appear to have very 'short memories' as to their actions and absolutely not understanding of how what they do affects other. They are incapable of empathy for anyone but themselves. Please be very careful. Do NOT try to leave on your own. Leaving and just after leaving are the most critical times and are usually the most dangerous. So do it when he's not there and have someone from the shelter or your friends come with you. Make sure you get everything you want, because once you've left, you can't go back. Can you take the boys with you when you leave? I am concerned that leaving the boys would expose them to more abuse and they will grow up thinking its ok to abuse and be abused. A women's shelter should be able to help you get financial assistance for the kids. They should also be able to refer you to a good attorney who understands the dynamics and effects of abuse and who will help you get a divorce and your fair share & child support, and hopefully supervised visits. Please take good care of yourself! ~healing hugs~