Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl
Ive noticed, in the media and in general, that there is both a repugnance and a reluctance to use (or be identified with) the term, victim.
My guess about why this is, is that it may have to do with the propensity of society to view a victim as being, in some way, responsible for her/his victimization. Over and over it seems as if society is ready (and even eager), in a variety of ways, to blame the victim for what happened to them.
This may be a psychological mechanism to help distance the individual, from thepossibility that he or she, too, may be innocent and still be attacked someday. This possibility feels too unsettling. So the target of the attack must be perceived as having somehow been responsible.
This results in those who have been victimized, feeling that first they were victimized and then they were stigmatized.
The definition of victim is someone whos been caused harm or been made to suffer.
Theres nothing in the definition that relocates the responsibility for the attack from the attacker to the target of the attack.
For the record, any victim whose life isnt ended by a victimization is also a survivor. I often use the term survivor and have no problem using it or hearing it used.
I do have a problem when someone who has endured an attack of any kind is further assaulted by the suggestion that having been victimized was in any way, her (or his) responsibility by societys disinclination to use the term that accurately describes who predated upon whom.
As an example, I will use my own life to illustrate what Im saying:
From the time I was a small girl, I was victimized, first at home, then by my peers. I was the victim of abuse in my marriage, which I ultimately ended. Over the course of my life, I was victimized several times.
I was a victim.
I AM a survivor.
Maybe this makes me a VICTORIOUS victim.
I know for sure, that I am a mighty woman.
What are you?
Wolf's Daily Howl
Ive noticed, in the media and in general, that there is both a repugnance and a reluctance to use (or be identified with) the term, victim.
My guess about why this is, is that it may have to do with the propensity of society to view a victim as being, in some way, responsible for her/his victimization. Over and over it seems as if society is ready (and even eager), in a variety of ways, to blame the victim for what happened to them.
This may be a psychological mechanism to help distance the individual, from thepossibility that he or she, too, may be innocent and still be attacked someday. This possibility feels too unsettling. So the target of the attack must be perceived as having somehow been responsible.
This results in those who have been victimized, feeling that first they were victimized and then they were stigmatized.
The definition of victim is someone whos been caused harm or been made to suffer.
Theres nothing in the definition that relocates the responsibility for the attack from the attacker to the target of the attack.
For the record, any victim whose life isnt ended by a victimization is also a survivor. I often use the term survivor and have no problem using it or hearing it used.
I do have a problem when someone who has endured an attack of any kind is further assaulted by the suggestion that having been victimized was in any way, her (or his) responsibility by societys disinclination to use the term that accurately describes who predated upon whom.
As an example, I will use my own life to illustrate what Im saying:
From the time I was a small girl, I was victimized, first at home, then by my peers. I was the victim of abuse in my marriage, which I ultimately ended. Over the course of my life, I was victimized several times.
I was a victim.
I AM a survivor.
Maybe this makes me a VICTORIOUS victim.
I know for sure, that I am a mighty woman.
What are you?
Me? I'm a strong woman who has survived many things. Had I been weak I wouldn't be here today!
I AM a survivor."
I like this, your use of victim in the past tense..".was" and your use of "survivor" in the current tense, "AM". I feel the same way however my inner child will always remain a victim, while my adult side is a survivor. I think that always feeling like a victim is disempowering, it implies a lack of choice. As a child, I truely was a victim, as an adult I am a survivor, but adult survivors often get revictimized because of their lack of awareness about abuse and imo they (I)subconsiously get involved with people who will replay the dynamics and the abuse they (I)endured as a child
I think it's empowering to realize and take ownership of the fact that as adults we all have choices although it doesn't always feel that way. For me that is where so much of my anger comes from, in that realization.
I am strong, a very strong survivor who is learning to not get revictimized by the people I allow into my life. I know I can't change society's assumptions about me or my life, but I can change them about myself. I know the times I've been revictimized as an adult were not my fault because I lacked awareness but I also realize I always have a choice. It's been a long hard road to that realization.
I am a survivor.
I am strong.
I have an unconquerable soul.
I am a Victorious Victim.
I am a Conqueror, a Thriver.
I am a wild woman, warrior woman, wise woman.
The young woman I took out last night was saying the same thing. She knows she was dealt a real crummy hand. She knows she has been abused by many people. She knows people have put her down her whole life and treated her like she was incapable of anything.
But she also knows this was abuse and that it was completely unacceptable, and she knows she deserves better. She knows that she did nothing to warrant that abuse. She knows she is not a victim, and refuses to be a victim.
She was very inspiring to talk with last night.
I also believe that every one of us on this board is incredibly strong and courageous. We have all survived or are surviving abuse, and we've all had the courage to face that fact, admit it to ourselves, and reach out for support in an effort to make it end.
Like artemis, had I been weak I wouldn't be here today.