Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I know I'm blowing up the discussions tonight. I'm venting and you are listening. Thank you so much.
I'm using all the tools I can find to help me with this. I'm on day 2 of leaving an alcoholic, abuser. I think this will be a more positive post
What I will gain by staying away:
I will be able to go where I want, whenever I want
I will be able to say what I think in any conversation
I will be able to play a card game with me winning as the goal, not him
I will have a home where friends & family can drop by without checking first.
I will be able to go to a friend or family member's home to visit in the evening
I will have my kids & grandkids over every week for dinner
I will be able to cook when I want, eat when I want, Sleep when I want.
I will be able to eat ice cream in the middle of the night
I will be allowed to take a nap if I'm tired
I will be able to read a book, or stay up all night sewing or watching chick flicks. Heck, I might even go out to a movie in a theatre!!
I will be able to answer my phone at any time of the day or night and be
able to talk to my adult children if and when they need me, without sneaking into the bathroom and cutting the call short.
I will be able to have a pet
I will be able to get up early on Saturday mornings and go to yard sales
I could go to a thrift store every day if I wanted to
I may someday be able to sleep a full night
I will be able to be honest with everyone in my life
Wow, writing this is really pissing me off. These are some of the "me" things that I've given up for this man. These are some of the ways he has controlled me. That S.O.B
Okay, Angry is good here, I think
Help me out here friends. What will/did you gain by leaving your abuser?
I'm using all the tools I can find to help me with this. I'm on day 2 of leaving an alcoholic, abuser. I think this will be a more positive post
What I will gain by staying away:
I will be able to go where I want, whenever I want
I will be able to say what I think in any conversation
I will be able to play a card game with me winning as the goal, not him
I will have a home where friends & family can drop by without checking first.
I will be able to go to a friend or family member's home to visit in the evening
I will have my kids & grandkids over every week for dinner
I will be able to cook when I want, eat when I want, Sleep when I want.
I will be able to eat ice cream in the middle of the night
I will be allowed to take a nap if I'm tired
I will be able to read a book, or stay up all night sewing or watching chick flicks. Heck, I might even go out to a movie in a theatre!!
I will be able to answer my phone at any time of the day or night and be
able to talk to my adult children if and when they need me, without sneaking into the bathroom and cutting the call short.
I will be able to have a pet
I will be able to get up early on Saturday mornings and go to yard sales
I could go to a thrift store every day if I wanted to
I may someday be able to sleep a full night
I will be able to be honest with everyone in my life
Wow, writing this is really pissing me off. These are some of the "me" things that I've given up for this man. These are some of the ways he has controlled me. That S.O.B
Okay, Angry is good here, I think
Help me out here friends. What will/did you gain by leaving your abuser?
I won't have to be the designated driver ever again!
If I'm at a party & I want to leave, I will be able to go
I won't have to count the drinks and worry about the night ahead
I will never again, wake up and think "you can do this. He will be asleep in 18 hours"
I will go out for lunch
I will go out for breakfast
I will go out for dinner
I will get a bike
I will be able to take walks
I will go to new places and see new things
I will just f**ing go out
I will let the dishes sit for days
I will let the dust pile up
I will spend a rainy day in bed watching tv
I could take a class, learn something new
This is sooo good for me to write this out. I hope it means something to one of you.
Less frequent nightmares
far less anxiety
lost the voice (both his and the ones he created in my head) which said nothing I ever did was right or good enough
A college education
A home I own
Financial freedom
A general sense of tranquility in my home
My belief that I am capable in any area of my life
I can answer my phone without encountering screaming on the other end of
No more holes in walls or broken nick knacks and furniture
I can see family and friends whenever I want
I don't have to sit in total silence during movies or sporting events
I bought my own car that I researched and chose
I am no longer ridiculed for my interests, beliefs or opinions
I am no longer told what I am proud of or put work into is not worthwhile
I don't feel coerced into sex and like I'm sexual object (I had a hell of a lot of yeast infections and UTIs when I was married *wink wink*)
I no longer have to get up and serve someone the minuet I sit down
I am no longer depressed
I no longer have to constantly think about what I say or do will effect his mood
I have pets
I no longer to leave places earlier than I'd like to when I'm enjoying myself
I am no longer embarrassed in public with stories of stupid things I say or do over and over again
I gained a loving and healthy partner after I got rid of the abusive one
That is just the top of my head-don't get me started!
I too could have
Less depression, anxiety and nightmares, I could leave or stay at places at my choosing. I could have a tranquil home
I could also
be able to watch my 1 year grandson in the evening or even overnight
Accept a last minute invitation from a friend to go shopping or out to lunch
Choose my own damn clothing
Get my own damn hair cut anyway I want
Dye my hair red.
Watch tv in the daytime, watch things that he thinks are "stupid"
Turn the f**ing stereo down if the music is too loud
Buy what I chose for Christmas and birthday gifts for others
Get a job, keep a job
Go to a therapist (he doesn't believe in them)
Spend an quiet evening
Make a noise before 9:00 a.m.
Never have sex with a drunk man again
I can paint my rooms any color I want!
I can buy funky furniture, redo it however I want
I can put my own dang pictures on the wall
I can wake up in the morning and have a good idea of how my day will be
I am keeping this list on my phone and adding to it. I'm going to read it if/when I ever I feel weak.
a chance to grow emotionally and spiritually.
Self worth
self esteem
freedom
an understanding of healthy relationships
boundaries I get to set with others
Connectedness to friends and family
Positive healthy people in my life that don't laugh at me or put me down
Confidence
Space to explore art and other creative avenues
I could go on for some time - I have been away from last Husband/abuser for over 15 years - I no longer pick abusers to be around and quickly end friendships that become one sided.
Self-POSSESSION
SELF-RESPECT
A day without shaking
Being honest and authentic.
Making my own decisions from the time I get up until the time I go to bed.
A calm environment.
Watching my son become a good man and make his own way through life.
No more manipulative mind games.
No more sabotaging my efforts.
I am growing stronger and more confident.
My anxiety and second guessing myself are disappearing.
Doing art again.
Hang out in bed when I want.
YES WE CAN
I love that.
I was thinking of Valentines Day. Lonely, okay. A little lonely but would I rather be with him. Wakes up and his hands don't start shaking until he has a drink in them. Gross. Reeks of alcohol. A large woman walks by and he hisses "gross" under his breath and I am just sick wondering if she heard. Ugh.
You guys have me fired up! Make no contact easy tonight.
I can put my energy into my needs
I can spend hours at the bookstore
I can have a smoothie for dinner
I can do whatever I want