i understand ur pain bt somehow i think ur sissy is rite, when u remove him it wil show him that u r bothered by him n it wil give him th satisfaction 2. i think u must not hide away 4rm him, just let everythin fall in2 its place. if u leave it he wil even wonder why do u hav him ther n it wil eat his conscious n drive him mad to show him that u r not angry, he wil feel very guilty too. th time wil come when his pictures means nothin 2 u. just stay strong n don carry his mistakes on ur shoulder he's a an a$$hole who doesn't deserve u. take care!!!! i feel shitty 2day bt m taking it step by step

Isha,

My take on this is your sister should respect that you asked her to remove him for your safety. If she cannot respect that and her relationship is devoted to him, then you remove her. No contact in abusive relationships means sometime we have to let our on family go.

He has no right in your life anymore and you should not have to put up with him through your sister. I really don't think it is running or trying to prove anything. YOU ARE TAKING YOU LIFE BACK AND IT DOES NOT INCLUDE HIM!

I agree with Ghabbir, do not carry his mistakes on your shoulders!!!

Hugs to you.

Thanx Ghabbir...for your support..Maybe my sister is right and I have to face it that some people linked to me will be linked to him..Thanx to internet...

I agree with Tame, and the fact that sometimes we have to let people fall by the wayside in order to make a firm stand that "I will no longer tolerate abuse!" I can relate, I recently had to 'cut off' a relative for certain behavior-related reasons.
She 'shoud' have enough respect to support you. Who cares what he thinks when he's removed?? Does he have some kind of influence over her?
I do hope your week gets better isha....please find time to do some self-pampering...you certainly deserve it!!!

Thanks Tame and Calm..Atleast you made me feel that I am not being selfish by asking this favor...I hope she will remove him eventually..Let's see how things workout...

I really need a good break from all this...

I un-friended family members who were still friends with my ex on Facebook. My feeling is that people who know me know that my ex is an abusive narcissist. If they don't know it, they aren't my friends or family either. It made me sad to do this but I need to cut off all extra or collateral ties to my ex, including parts of my own family.

Here is what has given me peace about some of my family still being friendly with my ex: Their reward is that they get to be "friends" with a totally self-centered and abusive narcissist. That is no prize. It is their loss if they choose him over me. Same deal with you, Isha. You are not lost...it's just a little readjustment to get back to your strength, your center, your self. You will get there...focus on you. Hugs to you 'cause I know how you feel...

When i removed all those "friends" i called it my starting a new life. Some I missed, but some I didnt. It is a necessary step to cut all avenues from an abuser. Even relatives if need be.

I'm with those who feel your sister should have stood with YOU and to HECK with anything about HIM ---- what he feels, thinks, says, does ---- whatever. Feh. Caring anything about an abuser connects us to the dysfunction of the abuser. Connection with dysfunction is keep us connected with dysfunction. Who needs THAT?!?!?!?!?!

But sadly, as we know, family doesn't always stand by us, particularly if we're from a dysfunctional family of origin. That's the reality.

Take very, very good care of yourself, isha.

Ilene

I "cleaned house" when it came to my "friends". I determined who was supportive and who was a vampire (sucking the very life out of me) and I got rid of the vampires. I haven't missed them for one minute. Family members who qualify as vampires I limit contact and give them no personal info. You would be surprised how you can get thru holidays and birthdays just talking about the weather, kids, jobs, food, etc, without giving them any ammunition to use against you. It is very freeing and good for your self-esteem to take this control, and you decide what to tell your family and friends. They do not need to know every detail. Pick one trusted person that you can talk to.
BTW, my one trusted person during this time was my Daily Strength journal. I literally had no one. :)

I have to agree that it is a family's job to support you........I have cut off those in my family and friends that do not that for me. My dad made no real effort to support me or ask me what was going on but asked my h and so I do not call my dad anymore if my dad calls I am polite and short and to the point...

This has let my h know that if he thinks my dad will support him and thinks it will hurt.........it will not because my dad has no power over me anymore nor do I respect him.....

Cutting off those who do not respect us seems to isolate us at times but in the long run it makes stronger and healthier people.

just my opinion

much love and many (HUGS) to you

my older sister who has been in abusive relationships herself called me on a friday 2 weeks ago to let me know that my hubby called her and asked to stay at her place for the weekend cuz he didn't have a place to go and no money, she was letting me know because she didn't want me to be upset!!!??? If she had not told me I would have never known. But I told her that was so wrong in anyway that you looked at it. She informed me that I put him in the situation, cuz I put him out LOL..I was shocked to say the least, she had agreed the Hubby says and does things he shouldn't but it is her duty to help him out in time of need..what about letting him fall flat on his face??? Well he needed to wash his clothes and do this and that...I did not put him in any situation HE did IT. I am not holding it against my sister, because it would only make my life more miserable carry that grudge along with me and she meant well and they were out of town that weekend anyhow. Besides her and I know she has no great love for him, and her husband told him he could stay, they thought we were just taking a break for each other, nobody else likes my husband, some even hate him and it wasn't anything I did or said. Some came and told me that getting rid of him was the smartest thing I did.
I hope you can find much peace in your life and try to put your focus on something else, what I am doing is moving forward and taking steps to take care of my girls and myself.
Hugs

Thank you all for your support...I am really lucky to have found DS...

I can't stop all communication with my sister..but I am gonna do what Rachel said..NO PERSONAL INFORMATION..

I just don't want ask, or know anything about my X...

Had a heart to heart with elder sis..She agreed to remove all my X's contact and also said that as far as I am concerned he is dead for me if he is dead for you...Yipeeeee....

I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but your sister's right. If she deletes him,then that's just going to tell him that he's got the better of you and you've run away. If she was taking his side,she'd still be talking to him but she's not. She's making it clear to him that she doesn't want to know and by doing this,she's proving a point that he can't have the control anymore. I know I don't know what you went through but it does get easier with time. You just have to learn to let go when you're ready but you'll know when you're ready to do that. If you ever need someone to talk to,I'm always happy to listen. Take care x

I think one of the things that I hope brings you some comfort is that clearly this is not a cut and dry issue. Look how torn all of those here are.

For myself, I think she should understand that this is a situation that is hard for you and respect that. You are vuonerable to this person, and if she choses to support you, she should help you cut the ties. However she may not have the maturity or personal experience to understand this yet. Regardless of what she does, do what is right for you, what keeps you safe emotionally and physically.