I felt like that once. Reading the book is a great step in the right direction. After I read it, it was still 10 months before I was ready to let go. It's a process, and you will get stronger each day.
Hang in there.

I have felt this way too. More than once. Actually many, many, awful times, I have felt this way.

In those moments, it is just about hanging on. Making it through one more day. Waiting for the next wave to come and make it OK. Things will be OK again. Now that you are on the path to exit, there is a light, somewhere, it may be so far away, or closer than you think, but there is a way out.

Even if you can't see it, it's there. Keep looking for it. I've been looking for a way out for a long time. Haven't found it yet, but I now know with certainty that it exists. Just have to keep looking.

I've read big portions of the book as well, and other research, and it took me more than 6 months after that to break free from my abusive ex.

You are NONE of those things that you list. I know how frustrated you are now and how let down you feel, especially when we find out, confirmed by experts, that they don't change. The illusion and fantasy crumbles.

But YOU CAN get through it and away from it and regain your life, regain yourself, regain your happiness, regain your confidence and joy, regain your soul, regain EVERYTHING. You can do it.

What they said.

And if you haven't already, please look into getting some therapy to rebuild the self-esteem he has destroyed. Do it for yourself, and do it for your kids.

Hi teddybear! I have that book and many, many more like it.

I have also felt like disappearing too - the pain of the emotional, verbal and physical abuse just hurts to your core - more than you think that you can bear! We give them and their words too much value when they don't have ANY value at all!

I found a book that helped EMPOWER me. It's called "Men Who Love B.I.T.C.H.E.S." It's not a book to see if you can hook men. It's a book to help you become a "BABE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF HERSELF!! Get it. B I T C H -- Ha~!

It worked for me ... I got some good dialogue and used it. The book said that if you say this, then he will do this. OHMIGOD! How did they know my ex?? His reactions - were exactly what the book said how he would react - to my practice of standing up for myself saying, for instance - That's not true and you and I both know it! or That's silly and then chuckle. Negate his abusive words. Don't let him think you believe his toxic words. Don't defend yourself. Don't crumble. That's his reward - to control your emotions. POWER. The reward of owning yourself is the best! It's FUN to take his ownership away!

YOU are NOT a Piece of S.!! I have been beaten down to think this way too. My mind was wrapped around "suicide." How to do it. What would be the most painless but quick. Well ... you know.

Your photo shows me a very beautiful woman. YOU DO NOT deserve his treatment of you! It's a lot of work to get your brain to create that seratonin and dopamine and onto a more affirmative way of thinking of yourself. (I still struggle some days.)

Zoom Out and look at the whole picture. We tend to Zoom In on his words and behaviors and your world becomes so small and isolated. Zoom Out and breathe!

I hope that some day you can get away from him and begin to OWN YOURSELF! Right now, you don't. He owns you. Why? Because he can.

Rawwwwwrrr!!

Sometimes there is a post that sounds like I wrote it at one point or another. It is the most desperate feeling in the world, the point you're at now. I would have never killed myself, but there were nights I prayed not to wake up the next day harder than I've ever prayed for anything. There were days when I would drive up to my parents in the mountains and fantasize about driving my car off the edge, where even if I survived there was no cell service.

Its tough, but hang in there. I promise it gets better, and one day something will click and when it happens you are ready to leave and there is no way in hell you will stay. It took me at least 8 months from the time I first thought of leaving to actually doing it, but when the time comes you will know it and you will feel better. Please just hold on.

I've gone days where I didn't shower, didn't change my clothes, just felt...broken...

and felt like I could just go on, like a robot..smiling on the outside, dead on the inside...

then, some little thing would happen..I'd read something here..someone would say something to me..I don't know..

and I would get up the next day, shower..put on some make up..and feel 'ok' again..

I came here in March, not even sure if I really was in an abusive relationship..

Now, here I am, nearly 4 months later, feeling pretty damn good..I have a couple of little things packed and hidden away, and I plan on leaving in October.

sometimes I am frozen with fear at the thought of leaving, but more and more, I'm starting to feel excited, expectant..wondering what it will be like on the other side...

hi so sorry youre going thru all this and feeling like its all your fault just know NONE of this is YOUR FAULT HE is the ONE that iS he is playing w your mind and telling you daily by either controlling what you do or say or go or eat or wear every day he is playing w your mind and emotions and making you feel like your literally going crazy and thinking ok maybe hes right this did happen when he said it would but please know they these guys are pros at manipulating women they know excatly what to do ro say to make us think we are at fault

YOU are a great mother its not your fault your son isnt learning the right way he may have a learning disability or just isnt up on his level they maybe moving too fast for him and he needs to work on his level have you looked into seeing if they have learning classes for his subject hes having trouble in? or maybe he can take work home with him idk some teachers will work with you i hope you find one that does i was dealing w the same prob w my son until i found the right school and teachers that are wk w him and hes doing great.

YOU are a great wife w everything i bet your house looks so clean and then he comes in and messes it up and leaves things everywhere and makes you clean it up again.,

he has you so worn out and dragging you down i know how that felt hang in there and try to vent here as much as you can you'll seee youre not alone in all this.. hugs ;)

Thank you. I went to talk to my pastor and he told me that this is not my fault. I am not responsible for the mess that my marriage is in. He said that my husband has a lot of shame and that comes out as anger. There are so many secrets that we keep from the outside world around us that it takes a toll on our marriage. I am very issolated and that is the hard part. I also feel very alone even though the house is full. I started taking my depression medicine again so that I don't do something stupid to escape the craziness.

That's a great start. Keep building support networks so that you don't feel so isolated. You already have seen that people here understand, we are with you.

It can get better for you. You are not to blame for all the little things he picks on you for. You can never be to blame for the actions of others - whether it be other men, or your husband.

I agree, that is a good start. Getting some medication and talking with my doctor about my bad marriage was the first step I took towards leaving.

I'm sure you are a great mother and housewife, being with someone abusive just destroys our self-esteem and depression compounds the problem by taking away our motivation. By the time I spoke to my doctor I could barely summon up the energy to feed myself thanks to my husband sucking all the joy out of life.

I'm sure your son's problems in school are entirely due to his father and the problems he is causing at home and not you. You need to get out to return a little sanity to your life and your children's lives.

There will be joy in your future.

"""""""It worked for me ... I got some good dialogue and used it. The book said that if you say this, then he will do this. OHMIGOD! How did they know my ex?? His reactions - were exactly what the book said how he would react - to my practice of standing up for myself saying, for instance - That's not true and you and I both know it! or That's silly and then chuckle. Negate his abusive words. Don't let him think you believe his toxic words. Don't defend yourself. Don't crumble. That's his reward - to control your emotions. POWER. The reward of owning yourself is the best! It's FUN to take his ownership away!""""""

Sorry, I also have to add that I don't think this is good advice. While it seem like fun, it's important to treat controlling and abusive men as very dangerous. Taking away their perception of power can make them react in unpredictable and dangerous ways. Keep your moves to help yourself a secret until after you leave.

Congratulations on reading the book! I have given ~20 friends the book and less than half actually read it. If you think about it, I can see why! A few have even asked me to talk about the book just too painful to see it all in black and white. So you are way, way ahead of the curve. Bravo!

One thing I will throw out there. My mom is 69 years old and has been living under a controllers rule for her entire life. First, her father and then my father. My father passed this summer. What has my mom done? Moved on to my brother who controls her every move/decision. Being controlled has become a way of life.

You hear about people who are so independent that after awhile, its hard for them to be in a relationship. I think the opposite is also true. If one is controlled for years and years, they lose the skills of decision making and independence. Longer term view, but I believe worth thinking about Save your future self!