Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've tried to explain to my friend that allowing my ex to come to her house and entertaining him in anyway is wrong. When he comes it's never anything good. It's always to leave some type of message designed to hurt me...1st time he got married, 2nd time he filed his taxes and claimed our son even though he's married and I am the custodial parent. I used to visit more often but now I feel betrayed by her because I've expressed my position to her before. They are not friends. They have/had no relationship. I told "MY" friend that for now I thought it was best that I stay away because I can't get her to understand how much this hurts me because she is the only one he goes to and she is the only one of my friends or family that let's him in. Why???? won't he leave me alone!!! Why??? does my girlfriend keep allowing her into my space? Anyone???
He's probably very charming and very convincing, and the "real" him is abusive, mean, and cruel. They want to WIN. That's always the game with my H. He will punish me in ways I still don't get - example, he thought he got me fired from my last job (btw, he did almost succeed by spreading rumors). Why? Who the hell knows anymore. At the time I was doing very well, we just bought a house, and celebrated our 5 year. Hun, he had doing this to me before we even got married. He started when we got engaged. I've only now put it together - we've been married 13 years in June.
They want to be your whole world, in one way or another. If they can isolate you (in my case) by turning people against you they will. They also want to be the "ultimate" victims letting everyone know that they are the "good guy" and you're the "evil bitch". Doesn't matter how they do it, if they can gain allies, stay in your life somehow, and be the victim they WIN. The best part is when they convince you to come back and you do, then everyone still thinks he's a great guy, but a glutton for punishment since you'll be so impossible to get along with.
My H is so bad I will, literally, need to leave the state when we're divorced. It's a disorder, sickness, evil - I don't even know anymore, all I do know is they play games - sick games - and it's going to be with your entire life. Now you know he's starting on your friend and he probably won't stop there.
p.s. You have an order of protection right? Well how else is he going to get at you without getting in trouble? How else can he punish you without getting too near you? That's the game!
And narcissistic abusers will never leave you alone. They love to try to tweak you. I know it's easier said than done, but ignore them and let it roll off of you as best you can. They do not matter anymore...
Hugs to you, I can feel your frustration.