Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am having some anxiety issues at the moment. I am sitting in Barnes and Noble with my DD and she is working on school work. Everything was going fine until a couple sat down next to us. Clearly they are on a match.com first day and they are older than I am - in their 50s and 60s. Oh, what a brutal first date. They are so awkward and I feel so sad about it for some reason. It sounds so mean but is this what I have to look forward to? Painful and awkwardness? Plus, they are playing the saddest sound track in here. Why do they do that?
I am struggling with no contact at the moment. Surely that awkward first date is better than emotional abuse and alcoholism but I am feeling really sorry for myself right now. I put so much energy into this relationship. 25+ years. A family. A home. Two beautiful kids. I worked so hard at it and still was no match for pills and alcohol. It feels very unfair.
Oh, wait. I am not sad. I am freaking pissed off. Very very angry. I am just not angry that much about it because sadness has been the overlying emotion. Angry feels much better. Ha - I didn't recognize it at first. That is what no contact is doing for me, peeps. Moving me from wallowing and sadness into anger and self care action.
xoxo
I am struggling with no contact at the moment. Surely that awkward first date is better than emotional abuse and alcoholism but I am feeling really sorry for myself right now. I put so much energy into this relationship. 25+ years. A family. A home. Two beautiful kids. I worked so hard at it and still was no match for pills and alcohol. It feels very unfair.
Oh, wait. I am not sad. I am freaking pissed off. Very very angry. I am just not angry that much about it because sadness has been the overlying emotion. Angry feels much better. Ha - I didn't recognize it at first. That is what no contact is doing for me, peeps. Moving me from wallowing and sadness into anger and self care action.
xoxo
Even thinking about dating is way to soon. Take one day at a time and just focus on you for now.
Someone may happen along at the most unexpected time OR you may even get into a groove that you may actually like being single.
I love the freedom, myself.
Good luck
Anger does have its place, USE IT to your advantage! Anger can be very empowering. Don't be scared of it, when you take away the fear of it and accept it, and used it, it takes away the destructive nature of it.
Some really good insights there.
Now I am every so grateful that I did NOT reach out to him. AND the feelings have passed. :)
Feeling pretty pleased right now. No contact is a powerful HEALER.
Yes, the need to contact passes, if you can find things that work for you while the need is there. And the more often you don't give in to the need, the weaker it gets.
As for the future, nobody can say what it will hold for you. Maybe it will hold awkward first dates, maybe wonderful first dates, maybe both, maybe no dates at all - but what we do know it holds is opportunity. The certainty of an abusive marriage is pain and loneliness. The uncertainty of walking away from an abusive marriage is opportunity.
I think I like anger. So focused, so powerful. It certainly has been used against me. Maybe I can use it for me.
I'm with Gem111, single sounds just fine. And Livndadrem what you say is awesome."The certainty of an abusive marriage is pain and loneliness. The uncertainty of walking away from an abusive marriage is opportunity."
Opportunity for a better future!!!
A life of opportunity! Sounds good!
I saw this saying once that angry is sad's bodyguard. That's ok with me. I think I have been afraid of angry, Like you, sad has been the overwhelming emotion. Angry does feel better! Good for you, from wallowing and sadness into anger and self-care action!
No Contact IS
a powerful healer!!!!!!
And anger has its place.
Anger was an evolutionary
selection because it helped
individuals to SURVIVE
and then to carry on.
As you do the work
of moving farther
along the road of
recovery, there'll
be a day the anger
won't serve you in
the way it did on
Valentine's Day.
And then, you'll
find you're neither
sad nor angry.
You'll be in you
center, living your
life from a place
that's determined
by your own choices.
You're doing so great.
Go on doing what
you're doing.
Sending you hugs
and kudos for your
clarity, strength and
courageous choices.
My daughter told me on Saturday that she has asked him to move near her when he retires from the military in a few months. She needs him. This is the child doing meth on occasion and struggling with school and life and an ex convict abuser. His reposne? "If I don't get a job, I might." What? Is it just me? Is this even real? Hey Dad I need you please. Um maybe, as a back up. See if something better comes along. I cannot conceive of it. It isn't computing.
He is making it easier and easier to see him for the slimy thing he is.
Also, of course, he is late with payment again this month. Thank you a thousand times for the person who suggested I wait a few days before contacting him that he is late. No panic yet.
NC - 2 days, 22 hours, 57 minutes (wish it was longer) Not restarting this clock for any reason