Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
All right, I've been pondering this, and would appreciate some feedback.
I have no intention of being a victim. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life moping about the awfulness of past relationships. I'm meeting new people, putting myself out there.
But sometimes, a little something will trigger me. A response, a passing thought - and I have to acknowledge that I'm not healed. I'm way better than I was, but I'm still fragile at times. And that's ok. PTSD is serious, as is depression, and trust and commitment issues.. well... duh.
The question I'm running into is this: Where's the center of gravity between being honest about things I take no shame in and oversharing? Between recognizing that I'm a work in progress and indulging in it? Between respecting my limitaitions and playing the victim?
I know that I'd prefer openness and honesty, once I've established that I feel safe with a person, but I also really don't want to fling myself into new relationships (and not necessarily romantic ones) with a barrage of 'Be gentle! I'm a wounded bird!' nonsense that would only attract predators and scare off healthy friends. Thoughts?
I have no intention of being a victim. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life moping about the awfulness of past relationships. I'm meeting new people, putting myself out there.
But sometimes, a little something will trigger me. A response, a passing thought - and I have to acknowledge that I'm not healed. I'm way better than I was, but I'm still fragile at times. And that's ok. PTSD is serious, as is depression, and trust and commitment issues.. well... duh.
The question I'm running into is this: Where's the center of gravity between being honest about things I take no shame in and oversharing? Between recognizing that I'm a work in progress and indulging in it? Between respecting my limitaitions and playing the victim?
I know that I'd prefer openness and honesty, once I've established that I feel safe with a person, but I also really don't want to fling myself into new relationships (and not necessarily romantic ones) with a barrage of 'Be gentle! I'm a wounded bird!' nonsense that would only attract predators and scare off healthy friends. Thoughts?
I know exactly what you mean. I haven't quite thrown myself out there yet (I'm going to hibernate through this Chicago winter). I think tge best way to do that is to just say you are a work.in progress. You knowhat you are working through and what you will not deal with at all. I don't think you need to lay your past our for new ppl in your life but just share as you see fit
I just watch their behaviour and behave as I find, so to speak! That is a bit cryptic, but the best description I have for it...
I know your friendships have been tested lately, as described by your posts, but you are a strong person with so much to offer. Meet each person where they are at. You will find amazing livlihood in some and you can enrich those friendships little by little... others you will just interact with and move on....
I have known a younger woman for 10 years in two different settings... we connected on friendly terms in both settings. She has always been nice and friendly and warm... but there was not a need for more and we were both good with that. Then in Septemeber (you may remember ) our school was on strike. We both walked slowly, with sunglasses and a bit away from the crowd..... she reached out to me because I was more out of character than she and she was concerned.... I told very little but she said she was going through some difficulty and it was just nice to walk silently by someone.... over the 3 weeks we ended up sharing our stories.... we support eachother... and it is sweet. 2 different stories, 2 different troubles, but 2 people, 2 humans, who need friends.....
we still support eachother--- she is a better supporter than I ... but my point is --- meet each person where you are both comfortable and little by little you will find the relationship that works (a very interactive one or none at all--- it doesn't matter as long as it is good for both).
Good luck...
Sorry if I am rambling .... I have so much to say and not sure what is relative to anyone anymore.
When you're ready you'll know.
Give yourself space, alone time. Be single, be alone for a while.
Even meeting new people, just wait, wait until you know your ready to venture out there! Whether that be friendships or potential relationships, just be with yourself for a while.
You'll know when your ready after you've gotten to know yourself more.
Get to know u first. You've bee lost for a while in your relationship.
Once you reconnect with yourself, once you find a place of peacefulness, then you'll be ready to allow others to come sit inside your peaceful circle.
The best possible place to aim for is a place where you are happy being single and on your own and your happy to meet someone and are open to whatever, in other words, you'll be fine no matter what!
Aim for that right now, it's the best place to be!
Isn't it true that
we are all "wounded birds"
and we're all deserving of
gentleness and compassion?
The "center" in regards
to the opposite ends
of the spectrums that
you described, is the
place where you find
yourself being most
functional and effective.
That place is different for
each individual and
finding that place is
an individual process.
I hope you'll find that
place in your life for
yourself ---- and that
when you find that place,
you'll enjoy all the best
things that life has to offer.
I wish for that place
for every member
of this community.
Yellow - that didn't read as rambling on this end. You stayed so on point it felt more like a fountain of wisdom than a babbling brook.
Kaz, giggle - I think you're both right. I know I'm not ready - heck, I can't even start being ready until I find a more concrete solution. But I've always been one to endure the pain and discomfort of stretching the raw skin - it reduces scarring over all. At my own pace, and being respectful of where I am at, naturally.
I want to be able to trust people. I also want to be able to spend the odd evening laughing with a friend. I ALSO know that my 'comfortable' setting would be to sit quietly at home - and I'm not satisfied with that. Each person, each relationship - if they do meet me here, they're going to be a doozy of a friend in the good times. I like it. Thank you, ladies.