Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
There was a wedding at the farm yesterday. No doubt it was a beautiful occasion with many of my old friends in attendance. I also sure my ex was the ultimate host, charming and welcoming to all.
I have said this before, sorry, but it just kills me that there were some women in attendance that wondered where I was. And who knows wtf he told them in respect to my absence.
I find this to be one of the most upsetting aspects of leaving him. I really, really don't miss him. Unlike most of you on here, he never tried once to lure me back...NEVER ONCE. I guess he wanted to be rid of me and that kind of makes me feel crappy. But really what hurts the most is losing the farm and friends that have no idea what went on behind closed doors in our relationship.
I wish I had the money to buy commercial space on a major tv network. I'd only need about 30 seconds to describe in a nutshell what kind of man he really is.
I want to lose this feeling of vindication so bad. I guess it comes with time.
I have said this before, sorry, but it just kills me that there were some women in attendance that wondered where I was. And who knows wtf he told them in respect to my absence.
I find this to be one of the most upsetting aspects of leaving him. I really, really don't miss him. Unlike most of you on here, he never tried once to lure me back...NEVER ONCE. I guess he wanted to be rid of me and that kind of makes me feel crappy. But really what hurts the most is losing the farm and friends that have no idea what went on behind closed doors in our relationship.
I wish I had the money to buy commercial space on a major tv network. I'd only need about 30 seconds to describe in a nutshell what kind of man he really is.
I want to lose this feeling of vindication so bad. I guess it comes with time.
It truly does get better, and you're right, it does take time to work through.
I would love to do the same!
If only all those people would know that HE IS NOT A WONDERFUL GUY!!!!! like they kept telling me and I repeated constantly to everyone after he told me what a crappy person I was.....
One of my closest and dearest friends cringed every time I would ask about "does this happen to you...." and try to cover it up with "but he really is a wonderful guy."
I hear you abut the friends. We had a mutual one, who stuck by him because he has the farm her and her family enjoy so much, who would figuratively jump through hoops to justify his behavior even while I was wrecked with tears and sorrow. When I had to call the police, I called her to come be with me as a I waited for another friend to arrive to pick up my horse. After explaining why I called the police, she said, "well, you two just aren't compatible and don't know how to communicate." (Again sorry...I know I am being a little redundant in my stories). I just wanted to strangle her....REALLY....ARE YOU THAT BLIND....ARE YOU THAT IGNORANT. In actuality, she was just ensuring for herself that his behavior wasn't THAT bad....after all, how could her and her family continue to enjoy the farm if he was, in fact, abusive.
OK, its time to refocus. I ran into an old friend last night. She just left a controlling relationship after 10 years. Time to get showered, ride the pony and then spend some time catching up with her.
Funny thing is that, 15 years later, I'm no longer bitter (oh, I was, for a long time), and it's surprising how many of those people have found their way back into my life. In a good way. They are no longer in his life, because they've worked out who he is. Most of the people I truly valued from "our" life is now back in mine, or at least on the periphery and not in his.
You don't need to do the public service announcement. You just need to be and live as you. People of worth will figure it out from that; others won't figure it out no matter what you do.
He found someone who was easier to manipulate at the time. Trust me, it had nothing to do with her looks or anything physical. Just that he could bend her to his will. He saw that you were becoming stronger. He didn't like that.
It will take time to heal. The friends that matter will want an explanation of what went on. If they just take his word, they weren't really friends.
He may be a good host, Abusers can be so charming, BUT in the end when he wants a friend--someone who really knows him---well he will be alone.
What goes around ALWAYS comes around.
I hope you are feeling better very soon!!!!
I'm so sorry about the farm.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))0
And thanks for your patience.
And the same has happened in my situation. People I thought I lost found there way back in my life or at least understand the situation now. Even his best friend treats me kindly and is sympathetic, however, he is still and I imagine always will be in his life.
To hell with the people who haven't, they weren't true friends to begin with, and I've made peace with that.
If you look at some of the posts there, it includes abusers.
PSAs aside, I do understand as the ex (I choose not to refer to him as 'my ex' because that keeps him connected to me), made up all kinds of twisted stories about me and told the kids and everyone else who would listen. The stories were based in a modicum of truth, but he twisted it so bad that it wasn't recognizable! I waited it out. I took the high road and w/the exception of honestly answering any questions asked of me to verify/clarify the 'story', I said nothing bad about him. I told no stories. I just let my true self shine and eventually people started finding out that I wasn't the person he made me out to be.
He ended up showing his a&&, which at some point, they all do, and people were able to see & judge for themselves. BTW, all w/in less than a year he met & married a woman who divorced him for the same reasons I did. Even before the ink was dry on the legal papers, he had a new gf.
I know it hurts, but what I learned is that if 'friends' choose to believe the abuser, then they aren't any friends I want or need. It's their choice & they live w/the consequences.
I've learned that as we rise up & heal, people around us either rise up w/us or fall away AND as we rise up and heal, we begin to attract more like minded people. Maybe it's because we learn to recognize the red flags and then set appropriate boundaries. But ultimately, we end up being surrounded by much healthier people. It doesn't just happen. It takes time and effort on our part. We have to do the work to heal ourselves.
It will get better. Always remember that each of us is exactly where we are supposed to be. Whatever stage you're in, acknowledge & honor it. If you're mad, let it out. There are lots of healthy ways to do that. If you're sad, be sad. These feelings come and go and are perfectly normal. The do NOT define us.
~BIG HUGS~
But we have the truth, not some fabricated and manipulated lie. We are authentic people, where those who abused us fear to be or cannot be. That is a gift, although it may not feel like much of one at times like these!
If you think of it that way, it is kind of ridiculous how much they feel they need to 'pretend'!
Big hugs, and hope you had a great time with your friend. Sounds like you could be a great support to each other! xx
Thanks everyone! I met with an old friend tonight and told her my "tale of woe." Fortunately, for her, the abbreviated version. Her facial expressions said it all! I am so sad, but yet so very, very lucky to be away from that man.