Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was reading some recent posts on PTSD and did a bit of googling on it and I have to say that I think (and had suspected for a while) that my H has it stemming from his own childhood abuse (physically and emotionally abusive father, narc mother). Does anyone have any thoughts about whether PTSD and narcissism can be somehow intertwined? The disassociation and paranoia in particular i.e. a lot of what I experienced in my marriage was his "numb" emotional being, his not being "present" emotionally, his consistent belief that everything I did or said had the worst possible intent or meaning. His total distrust of me etc. In other words, I wonder if "extreme" self protection can result in the creation of a narc. Any thoughts?
And the thinking everything has the worst possible interpretation? I got that. If I was on the phone to someone, I MUST be telling them how terrible he was, not just minding my own business and having a nice neutral conversation with whoever it was. And with no proof whatsoever, or my having even mentioned the topic, he would go on and on about how I would be sure to screw him if we got divorced. On purpose, with my sole intent to ruin him.
It was a load of crap. But narcissists think the world is out to get them in nasty ways because that is exactly the sort of empathy-devoid behaviour they foist on others. Mine said what he said about the phone because that was what he did to ME. While I was oblivious to even being abused and trying my damndest to work on the marriage, he was laughing at me and gaining sympathy from all and sundry. He would phone up his family and have a good laugh and whine about me, in my hearing!
I am not a psychiatrist. But many of the things you describe just sound like what I had from people I am pretty sure must be narcs. I am trying hard to give you an honest view here, because lots of it is nasty stuff. Real nasty.
Hugs and hope it helps xxx
That said, it does NOT excuse their behavior - not in the least.
What you described about not being "present" emotionally, being "numb" emotionally and the consistent believe that everything you said or did had the worst possible intent or meaning perfectly describes my own experience w/the ex.
Narcissism is very often a trait shared by alcoholics & addicts (I want what I want and I want it now and I will do whatever I have to to get it and everyone else be damned). It can also play a part in other personality disorders.
Now that I've been out a while and have had time and lots of therapy under my belt, as well as some training, I can look at him w/a somewhat different perspective. And I believe his early experiences (based on multiple family stories from multiple family members) at least in part contributed to his narcissism. I'm not sure we can separate nurture v. nature here, but I do believe that everything that happens from conception on plays a part in who we are. (There are lots of studies that show babies in the womb are affected by what goes on outside the womb.)
I recently heard an interview w/neuroscientist James Fallon who discovered he was a psychopath. He credits the love & nurturing he rec'd from his family growing up for not acting like a psychopath. I found it fascinating and certainly a point in favor of the nurturing part of nurture v. nature. Interestingly enough, he says he was treated like the golden child because he didn't die. (His mom had had several miscarriages before him.) That blew my mind b/c when the ex was born he wasn't expected to live and when he did, he was spoiled rotten. I think the difference between him and Mr Fallon is that while the ex got his way all the time, he wasn't lovingly nurtured. And IMHO that certainly appears to be a reason as to why he is a narcissistic alcoholic w/sociopathic tendencies. (Not an official dx except for the alcoholic part, just MHO, lol.)
Here's the link. http://www.npr.org/2013/10/25/240751585/uncovering-the-brain-of-a-psychopath
My girlfriend is diagnosed BPD, and also PTSD. A symptom of both is a constant fear that something bad will happen. That seems to be a symptom of NPD, too. This fear is irrational, because they actually have no evidence that something bad will happen at that time.
I don't doubt my GF has PTSD - she completely shuts down in certain situations. But other situations she shuts down, and I don't think it has to do with traumatic stress, it's just fear or anxiety - like a fear of heights. And other times, its a fear of me leaving her. That's not trauma because of previous boyfriends "dumping her", that's the personality disorder and the fear of being alone.