Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'd like to share something my IC suggested to me.
I went in there today, a complete mess, ball of stress, mind racing in a million different directions.
After I filled her in on my last few days, she said much of what you all told me. Which made me feel calmer and better and a bit more level headed.
She suggested I do this exercise: The Top 5.
I should not keep rehashing the past, rethinking everything. I know deep down what the issues are and where I'm ultimately headed if this continues. So, she suggested I think of 5 things that are deal breakers for me for a marriage, now, at this stage of my life. I am not to think or compare with my marriage, yet. I am to just envision a car. It needs 4 wheels and a steering wheel to work properly.
So I am to think clearly and rationally, not with my heart, but with my mind. What are my Top 5. And then think of my marriage. Now. Do I have those Top 5?
The point is, I need to get in tune with my feelings to understand what I really want and need in order to be happy and fulfilled. Orherwiise, I'm just spinning my wheels.
This is a good exercise down the road as well. If I were to meet someone new. Of course my heart may feel it is right. But if my Top 5 are not there, then it's ok to care for and have feelings for this person, but I may not want to be married to him. And that's ok.
She also suggested I gather all of my financial info, PWs to bank and credit card accts and then speak with a lawyer to discuss options. I will tell husband that we will continue with the separation, be civil and friendly and make it all about the kids for the next month. No more talking about our marriage. We put that on hold til January and reconvene then.
This will help in 2 major ways. For one, I can calm down, stop the crazy racing thoughts confusing me, gain my footing and get myself and finances together. Secondly, husband and I will get practice on coparenting civilly, so we'll be prepared for that down the road.
I mentioned this to him and he agreed. He said I sound better too. My guard is up. I have a code set up with my sister if needed in an emergency too. I feel much better than I did the other day.
And I'm taking the girls away this weekend for some real space. Just about 2 hours away to my nephews sports tournament. But I need to relax and do something fun with my girls. He was ok with it to. But my guard is still up and I'm still moving forward with my decisions.
I feel this will work for me. I hope it helps others.
Special thank you for all of your help, support, insight and guidance. I don't know where I'd be without it :)
Hugs,
I went in there today, a complete mess, ball of stress, mind racing in a million different directions.
After I filled her in on my last few days, she said much of what you all told me. Which made me feel calmer and better and a bit more level headed.
She suggested I do this exercise: The Top 5.
I should not keep rehashing the past, rethinking everything. I know deep down what the issues are and where I'm ultimately headed if this continues. So, she suggested I think of 5 things that are deal breakers for me for a marriage, now, at this stage of my life. I am not to think or compare with my marriage, yet. I am to just envision a car. It needs 4 wheels and a steering wheel to work properly.
So I am to think clearly and rationally, not with my heart, but with my mind. What are my Top 5. And then think of my marriage. Now. Do I have those Top 5?
The point is, I need to get in tune with my feelings to understand what I really want and need in order to be happy and fulfilled. Orherwiise, I'm just spinning my wheels.
This is a good exercise down the road as well. If I were to meet someone new. Of course my heart may feel it is right. But if my Top 5 are not there, then it's ok to care for and have feelings for this person, but I may not want to be married to him. And that's ok.
She also suggested I gather all of my financial info, PWs to bank and credit card accts and then speak with a lawyer to discuss options. I will tell husband that we will continue with the separation, be civil and friendly and make it all about the kids for the next month. No more talking about our marriage. We put that on hold til January and reconvene then.
This will help in 2 major ways. For one, I can calm down, stop the crazy racing thoughts confusing me, gain my footing and get myself and finances together. Secondly, husband and I will get practice on coparenting civilly, so we'll be prepared for that down the road.
I mentioned this to him and he agreed. He said I sound better too. My guard is up. I have a code set up with my sister if needed in an emergency too. I feel much better than I did the other day.
And I'm taking the girls away this weekend for some real space. Just about 2 hours away to my nephews sports tournament. But I need to relax and do something fun with my girls. He was ok with it to. But my guard is still up and I'm still moving forward with my decisions.
I feel this will work for me. I hope it helps others.
Special thank you for all of your help, support, insight and guidance. I don't know where I'd be without it :)
Hugs,
Rehashing thoughts over in your head can be confusing and get you no where..like you said.."spinning your wheels"
It sounds like your husband is not being nasty at least.
Keep taking time for yourself. Good luck.