Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I don;t know how to start this but I really need some advice here...I am at a lose with my sister....She has been with her abusive boyfriend for five years, and has gone through SO much....he cheats, he hits her, he verbally abuses her, and was her kids too, he consumes her life.....But a few months ago she moved in with me, got a decent job, has money and her life is getting back on track but she STILL can not stop seeing him....I really do not get it...he is not the father of her children....She is always telling my how miserable she is with him and how much she hates him...today she told me in her dramatic voice that she would rather "have open heart surgery" than to be with him.....but she chose to go see him just now instead of taking care of herself....I do know it is hard to leave someone you love BUT can someone please explain why she is doing this to herself???? I want to understand, I want to help her! I just dont know what to say or do anymore....she is always with him when I gave her a home here...she HAS a way out if she could only take it!!!!!
Abusers are all about power and control. And they are very good at it. She's had 5 years with a man who exercised physical, mental and emotional control of her. That she broke away to live with you is a huge step. But she spent 5 years with a man who most likely spent the better part of each day belittling her, berating her, refusing to respect her, stripping her of human dignity, and setting himself up as the know-all, end-all, lord and master. It just takes time to undo that damage. She needs to believe in herself again. She needs to believe that she doesn't deserve to be a punching bag, the butt of his jokes, the whipping post for his vile temper. And you are helping her. Eventually, she may see the light. The love and care of family is vital to breaking away. It is a rock that she can stand on, so please be there for her.
Hugs to you for what you are doing....
sorry to keep at it but just trying to understand....should I campare this do an addiction, a drug...she says that sometime too.....
I think you have to stand back tho, and realize this isn't something you can change, only she can, and she won't until she is ready. All you can do is be there for her....I would think that you can set boundaries with her about how much you want to hear, as long as she knows you believe in her....
Hang on, because there are some others on this board, like Revpatty and Queenvalerie that would probably have better advice to give you....
Hugs...