I was with my abuser for 6 years..... towards the end I was just numb to everything. Between us we had 5 kids, his 2, my 1, and our 2. They were 16, 13, 8, 3, and 18 months. I read The Prince of Tides and remember thinking what a horrible mother she was to allow her children to go through what she did...... Then like a ton of bricks it hit me that I was no better.... that my children were definitely being harmed by seeing me dragged around by my hair, by seeing me be completely subserviant to him, by seeing me being hit. I was numb to the abuse and my own pain and I was blind to the damage it was causing them. 2 weeks later I left, not for me but for my children.

If you have children and can't find the courage to leave for yourself then find the courage to make your children's lives better.

Hear, hear!

That was what got me out, looking at my precious baby boy and thinking ... how can he ever learn to respect me, to respect any women, watching how his father treats me? How can he ever grow up to have a healthy relationship if what he is taught is that abuse = love?

And for those who think that it will be ok as long as they talk to their kids, and explain that it's not really love, and that abuse is wrong ... they will learn from what you do, far more than from what you say. And if you stay, if you put up with it, if you spend your life walking on eggshells, doing what you can to appease, then it doesn't matter what you say, you are teaching your kids that it's acceptable.

OH so true. so true. And then, to add to it, my abuser, and I'm sure he is not the only one, began to use my beautiful son, to manipulate me. He would get my son in hysterics if I didn't do what he wanted, and he'd be proud of it. Please don't subject your kids to this. Please.

thanku so much for ur open an honest replies.i was scared to cum back on to look at the replies cos i thought i was going to be yelled at!BUT,big lovings to u all and again thanku.xxx