Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi all, Ive been through a lot and the next phase is about to happen, divorce, and at the looks of it Ill loose my house as well. It seems as though my wife has planned the attack and I have fallen prey, For the time being I am still in a mental mind game and I have not seen her for a month , yet the loss of what was my 18year old marriage, her suicide attempt, loss of work, oldest sons herion usage, and now what I belive is my wife drug usage, I still feel like prey. I have been thinking alot, up and down, ok to loosing it, realizing I have to start over in so many ways, some good, some bad. The feeling of being used and for how long, (does it matter, some days no others yes). I have come to the conclusion that around 5 years ago, she started to take a different path, kids were growing up, one moved out (she was devistated) the oldest drug use, 2 grand kids at the same time, my mother demtia, to her fathers cancer to the sexual abuse that her father did to her as a young child. Her demeaner has gotten from controling to majorly being cruel. Drinking to substace abuse to.... It has gotten crazy. I have been told I am the perfect co dependant. I took care of these thing and put up with it, felt like I was molded to how I should react and yet I took my wedding vows seriously.
I have found out from my youngest son that his mother kept telling him that he has the good blood, (from her) so dont worrie about my bad blood. She also over the years told both boys simular stuff. The more I did for her and the family, the more creative and threatning, the more the kids bonded to me I became the problem. WHen her father became ill, tables turned, I was the abusor and she fought me all the time, yet I got needled all the time untill I reacted, then she became the victom. Her sneeking out at 11pm to make a phone call, not coming home and being at her girlfriends, but not telling me where she was, yet the oldest knew (he did not) lead me to believe that an affair with what I think is a drug dealer lesbian ex con girlfriend, This made me really uneasy, yet I was made to feel that I was the controler. I now have 3 pages of crap I have dealt with , yet,,, I am hurting so much. I move foward for myself and my son (16) . IMy counsler told me its like watching the titanic, we are in the life boats wet and freezing, no lights food etc, an dlooking back at the party on deck, with lights and food, music etc. Its just a matter of time before it sinks with all.
I do love her, I have been loyal, loving protective, and have provided for 20 years, 2o years , not to watch this go down in flames. I fear that she will attempt again when all is distroyed. I keep telling me I did not do this, its just so sureal. The next months there will be major events happening, divorce papers back and forth , domestic hearing on me (faulse) but never the less I have to deal with her victom role ( smiling in all the police photos of the trametic event) So I guess its a means to and end, and end that, never in my wildest nightmares this would be mine!
I have found out from my youngest son that his mother kept telling him that he has the good blood, (from her) so dont worrie about my bad blood. She also over the years told both boys simular stuff. The more I did for her and the family, the more creative and threatning, the more the kids bonded to me I became the problem. WHen her father became ill, tables turned, I was the abusor and she fought me all the time, yet I got needled all the time untill I reacted, then she became the victom. Her sneeking out at 11pm to make a phone call, not coming home and being at her girlfriends, but not telling me where she was, yet the oldest knew (he did not) lead me to believe that an affair with what I think is a drug dealer lesbian ex con girlfriend, This made me really uneasy, yet I was made to feel that I was the controler. I now have 3 pages of crap I have dealt with , yet,,, I am hurting so much. I move foward for myself and my son (16) . IMy counsler told me its like watching the titanic, we are in the life boats wet and freezing, no lights food etc, an dlooking back at the party on deck, with lights and food, music etc. Its just a matter of time before it sinks with all.
I do love her, I have been loyal, loving protective, and have provided for 20 years, 2o years , not to watch this go down in flames. I fear that she will attempt again when all is distroyed. I keep telling me I did not do this, its just so sureal. The next months there will be major events happening, divorce papers back and forth , domestic hearing on me (faulse) but never the less I have to deal with her victom role ( smiling in all the police photos of the trametic event) So I guess its a means to and end, and end that, never in my wildest nightmares this would be mine!
Glad that you're in counseling.
You've shared that your wife
was sexually abused, as a
child. This is an awful thing
to have had happen.
But it doesn't excuse what
she's doing now.
The vows that you took,
were voided when her
behavior became abusive.
The "worse" in better or worse
DOESN'T INCLUDE
TOLERATING ABUSE.
Keep moving forward.
Things are painful now
and may be for awhile.
But life can and will
be better.
Please take good care
of yourself.
But Ilene is so right when she says it can get better, better than you dare even imagine.
One day you will be free of her, and able to put your life on a path of your own choosing. I did this when I was quite a bit older than you....
Big hugs...and yes, take care of yourself first....
Keep the counseling, get a good lawyer, and fight back. You deserve half of everything from your marriage. Fight for what is yours.
In the meantime, do all you can to get healthy, stay healthy, surround yourself with loyal family and friends, and be the best, parent and person you can be in the midst of a crisis.
Hugs to you for better days ahead...
Having a rerally hard day, called the counsler to get in today hopefully, Took a nap, have not really slept right since this all happened. My son is with me like glue, 16 years old and our relationship is the strongest its ever been. I am very greatful for that, very grateful!.
The closeness I thought I had with my wife I am questioning,Narcicis, Drugs, substance,affair??? its such a mind game. especially trying not to think of her and what has happened.
I have constantly been nonstop in getting things done that when I do now have a moment, the mind goes.
Thank you all
Confusing is a word I like to use to describe the whole relationship. Insanity is another. You don't know which way is up anymore, and it happens so fast you can barely catch your breath. You feel like you are in damage control mode 24/7.
The others have given good insights. Being abused is not an excuse to abuse others. And I'll add that drug abuse and alcohol abuse are also not causes. They may be contributors, and are certainly a symptom of a damaged person, but the substances aren't to blame for the abuse nor are they an excuse.
"its such a mind game. especially trying not to think of her and what has happened. I have constantly been nonstop in getting things done that when I do now have a moment, the mind goes. "
I'm in the same place. The more I try to not think about it, the more I am thinking about it. You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff I have gotten done in the last few months. It feels like I always need to be doing something just to keep my mind occupied.