For the past six years, I have been friendly with and sexually involved with someone who I believe to be a narcissist. It was just this past year that we developed feelings for each other and began dating. Having known him since I was 17, I always hoped one day we would date and it eventually happened the way I thought it would (it was like a fantasy at first). He never treated me well during the first 5 years of us just "hooking up" but i chalked that to immaturity and it isn't really relevant to our actually commited relationship, which just ended after one year.

During the beginning of our relationship, he flattered me, complimented me, and gave me tons of attention. He told me how lucky he was and always made plans to be with me and hang out. I did notice that occasionally on Friday or Saturday nights, he would not reach out to me and sometimes I would go all night or day without hearing from him (I hesitated to contact him first because I felt the ball was in his court). Still, for the first three months I was on top of the world. I finally was dating this guy I had fantasized about being with since I was in high school and we used to sneak out and hook up together. He made me feel so special and loved. On Christmas day, he showed up at my parent's house (we both live in the city, but grew up in a suburb together not far from the city), with a bouqet of flowers and a card telling me how happy he was and how special our relationship was. This continued until about February, when I started to notice more of his bad side coming out more often in subtle ways (starting to ignore me, not reach out more, some days I wouldn't hear from him all day).

I was always very generous and good to him, because I loved him and felt that was the way I should treat someone I care for. I have a washing machine, so I offered to do his laundry at times, always lent him my car, made his bed when I slept over, bought him something if I saw he needed it and I was out, got him tickets to sporting games, and tried to be available for him to talk to. Not once during our relationship did he reciprocate these favors in any way. What confuses me the most after all of this is that as the relationship declined, we would still have "pockets" of him loving me and showing small bits of generosity, which confused me because a day later he would retreat and ignore me completely.

On my birthday was the first time I noticed something abusive. He drank a lot, and we were out and he saw me talking to a guy I knew. He blew up, accused me of being a slut and "that I was going to fuck a ton of other guys", called me a cunt, punched through random car windows, and when we got back to my apartment, flipped my coffee table and destroyed a few other things. He was very mean, and told me that I never worked hard as him, I had everything handed to me, and that I wasn't on his "level", and that I was spoiled. He called me a cunt, a slut, insulted all of my friends. The next day, sober, he apologized to me and cried. I forgave him, but this was the beginning of the downward spiral. I LOVED this man so much, he was all I ever wanted, but some days he would be all about me, complimenting me and wanting to spend time with me, and other days he would dissapear. He has a job, but even after his job, I would see he would be on facebook mobile or on his couch with friends, and he still wouldn't talk to me. He actually began ignoring simple texts from me like "how was your day?" for hours, even though he had his phone and was actively posting things on facebook and instagram. I began to notice that everything was on his time, and if he didn't feel like talking to me, he wouldn't. It hurt so much after everything I did for him, and how emotionally invested in him I was. When I confronted him about it, he would say "Some days I want to talk to you, other days I don't. Some days I think I need to fake a conversation with you". But then, we would have a week where he was wonderful, called, made plans, made an effort...but as always, I knew he would retreat, and he did. He wouldn't call or text, maybe once, and would act withdrawn or disinterested. I didn't understand. When we would go out drinking, there were a couple other times when he would fly into jealous rages (sometimes for NO reason at all) and call me a cunt, a slut, and demand to see my phone and accuse me of things. I chalked it up to alcohol and never saw it as verbally abusive.

He was OBSESSED with working out, so much to the point that it was really weird to me and began to become an annoyance. He would wake up EVERY day and take his "protein" and emphasize how good his body looked in some subtle way. He prided himself on his body and it was almost so in your face that I thought of it as vain. He was adamant about sticking to a "regimen" and that he needed to get his two workouts in and be a "beast" or "crush life". He used strange terminology which I almost thought of as grandiose. He was so into working out that he would make going to the gym or lifting weight seem like it was this big event in his life. Sometimes he would say, "I can't talk to you this late. I need to get to bed. It's not healthy for me". Health went from being a normal thing that we all care about to a BIG concentration to him.. and he would always talk about his six pack and his body. It really annoyed me and irritated me, but now I think it was actually an obsession.

He would say really weird statements, sometimes not directly offensive towards me, but odd. One time we were sitting outside eating ice cream together, and talking about something completely irrelevant, and he told me "My biggest fear in life is that I won't be exceptional". It was SUCH a strange statement and so grandiose that I thought.... who would say that? He was OBSESSED with his job, and working, and would always say that he was going to make it to the top, and in the future he wanted to own a lamborghini, etc. He always emphasized his job before me (which is understandable), but to the point that he would say he "couldn't deal with my shit because he was working to better his job" and during fights he would say "You would never be able to go in and do what I do, you wouldn't stand up, you would never be able to last in my job". I felt dismissed and belitted. He was constantly belittling me in subtle ways about my job, and ALWAYS competing with me. If I said I had a long day, he would say stop complaining, I had a longer one. It was always a competition.

Two days before our relationship ended, we were at a restaurant, and he started talking about this new job he got (which made him feel like a big shot). He works in a large office building in the heart of downtown (he previously worked outside of the city and hated his job), and I immediately knew that this new job made his head and ego even bigger. He would act incredibly cocky in his stature and general disposition, and the second he got this new job, I knew it was the beginning of the end. Just being in the city and working (as we all do) after working outside of the city, would make him feel even more important than he actually was. He was going on and on and on about his job, to the point that if I got a word in, he would acknowledge it, but would go back to talking about himself. He made a comment about wanting to take a night class at a school after work, and I said "welcome to the world of work and school" (I am in graduate school, but I also have a job). He looked at me, scoffed, and said "Yeah except you don't work as hard as me, and maybe I don't study as hard as you". He tried to equate things, but still, it was an insult. I said "My job deserves some recognition too!". In the middle of a restaurant, he looks up and says "Fuck you", and then goes back to eating his burger as if nothing is wrong. No apology. nothing.

The last straw came when I asked him to make plans, and he said yes. Around noon I texted him saying to let me know what his plans were so I could schedule my own and we could meet. I didn't hear from him all day. 5,6,7 PM passes by.. he's on facebook and clearly out of work by now, hanging out with friends. I said to him "wow, you can't even give me the respect of a response" and he goes "what's up" literally within two seconds of receiving my text. This meant that he HAD his phone on him all along and was choosing to ignore me, and he completely dismissed by prior text by saying "whats up" as if nothing was even wrong. After that, I imploded. I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore and that I deserved somebody who cared about me and didn't call me names or ignore me. After saying I wanted to break up, I immediately took it back and cried and said "can we work things out or take space and then get back together". He became ENRAGED and said NO. I'm DONE. I went to his house to pick up my belongings and hope for some closure, and he looked at me, stone cold, and handed me my things. After one year of walking in and out of his place, I felt like a stranger. He emotionally dismissed me and wouldn't blink an eye- he didnt express any sadness that the relationship was ending, and actually told me I had to get out because his friends and him were going to a club. I couldn't understand how he could just walk away so emotionlessly- we were losing so many beautiful, fun memories together. Admist all of the stress, we did have pockets of wonderful times together, and when it was good, I was completely in love with him (and I think vice versa). I was shocked and devastated that he was able to turn off his emotions and just leave me so quickly. I contacted him, and said, do you want to talk or make peace. He said he wanted to part nicely because he didn't want to burn a bridge with someone, but that he was done. I was so angry he couldn't offer an explanation, or any kind of parting sadness, because I gave him so much of me and he just used and abused. I sent him a string of angry, ranting texts, in which I called him emotionless and a horrible person (among other mean things), and blocked his number. Immediately after, I sent him an email apologizing and asking if we could speak, telling him how hurt I was. He didn't respond, so I sent one last email telling him that I thought he was a shitty human being, and that I would eventually find a REAL man who could care for me all the time. I blocked his email and haven't heard from him since.

I just saw he liked this random slutty girl's photo on facebook, and it's since brought hard feelings of emotion on me- it shows that he's moved on (he never even spoke to this girl, and clearly liked it because she was in a VERY tiny bikini). I am angry, and sad. I can't understand why he did this to me. I haven't eaten or slept, and my therapist says that he was indeed a narcissist and abusive. During our relationship, all I did was give, and expect for his respect in return. The way we parted, he was emotionless, didn't blink an eye, and said he "had to go to a club so I had to leave". All of our wonderful memories flash back to me, and I feel like I've lost a loved one. We haven't been in touch, and I am so confused. Was this guy a narcissist? Everyone in my life has told me how much they hate him, but I miss him so much. I've been reading about narcissism, and he fits the BILL. Still, I need to know from all of you, what you think. I need validation in knowing I did nothing wrong. I never called him names and always supported and helped, tried to make his life easier. My heart is broken.