Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
A friend commented the other day that I don't talk about my kids much. Well, I try not to talk about anything personal much, but that includes my kids.
Working by myself tonight, I realized. I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed.
NOt of my kids - they're fantastic. I'm ashamed that they have me for a father.
I"m ashamed that all can do for them is work. I'm ashamed that I don't do better job taking care of them. I'm ashamed that I'm so tired when I get home. I'm ashamed about my theatre.
So many people - my mother chief among them, lambast me for 'requiring the children to sacrifice so that I can do theatre. They've lost time with their father, had to share him with someone who isn't family.'
My wife reminds me that she's ultra supportive, because she lets me do theatre. She understands that she married an actor, and no matter how many people complain to her about my acting, and the time it takes, she's going to stand by her decision to let me act. Even though it does get really lonely and she's tired of having to take care of the kids herself.
I know it can be alot. Two evenings a week without me there to help put the kids to bed, give them a bath... But... I need to perform. I HAVE to have an audience to communicate with. I wouldn't have made it as far as I did without it. I"m just tired of being told it's me putting myself before my kids. Although it is.
Working by myself tonight, I realized. I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed.
NOt of my kids - they're fantastic. I'm ashamed that they have me for a father.
I"m ashamed that all can do for them is work. I'm ashamed that I don't do better job taking care of them. I'm ashamed that I'm so tired when I get home. I'm ashamed about my theatre.
So many people - my mother chief among them, lambast me for 'requiring the children to sacrifice so that I can do theatre. They've lost time with their father, had to share him with someone who isn't family.'
My wife reminds me that she's ultra supportive, because she lets me do theatre. She understands that she married an actor, and no matter how many people complain to her about my acting, and the time it takes, she's going to stand by her decision to let me act. Even though it does get really lonely and she's tired of having to take care of the kids herself.
I know it can be alot. Two evenings a week without me there to help put the kids to bed, give them a bath... But... I need to perform. I HAVE to have an audience to communicate with. I wouldn't have made it as far as I did without it. I"m just tired of being told it's me putting myself before my kids. Although it is.
People can say what they like about 'time spent with the kids'. But what they never talk about is the QUALITY of that time being what matters most to the kids.
You see, I had a dad who was often out of the house on up to 3, 4, or 5 evenings a week. Freemason. Even though we lived in the same house, two days in a row would often go by without me seeing or hearing from him at all (he was never there for breakfast on weekdays, since he went to work early, and if he went to a meeting straight from work, he would not be there for dinner or return until after I was in bed).
But despite this, I would always wait awake for his car headlights reflecting off the garage door through my bedroom window. I wanted to love him still.
And I am sure I could have coped just fine with his absences if he had been fully emotionally PRESENT with me while he was home. But he was not, and to me, that is the REAL problem.
My father's Masonic activities were in addition to his (very demanding) job.
Theatre IS your job, Bax. And it's valuable! Your wife says she "lets" you do theatre??? That's wrong, really. That work is valuable to both you and your kids. Truth be told, I'd be frigging dancing on the roof if my dad talked about me the way that you talk about your kids :) And that will matter to them far more than you realise, both now and in the future. Trust me.
There are people who don't know when to stop when it comes to packing their life so full of extra activities that they do neglect their kids.
But having a job doesn't make you one of them. It just makes you a responsible parent and a creative person. Children do need to see their parents having a career! It is inspiring, and an encouragement to them to see the value of work and commitment to something other than a person - a project or goal.
PLEASE do not beat yourself up. And for God's sake never be ashamed! Like I said, if I had had a dad like you, I am sure I would not be where I am now :) xx
For two months he's been trying to be more involved with them. But I now see that he has no emotional bond with them. The result of his lack of love and caring is that they want me to bathe them, do stories and put them to bed every night. I know it must hurt his feelings but he's dug the hole.
One thing I've come to know as a mother is that being a mother does not have to mean I sacrifice every part of myself for them. In fact I am a much better mom if I pay attention to nurturing myself, taking care of my own needs as well. My kids may not like this but the alternative is to have a mom who is resentful and impatient and irritable with them. Don't feel ashamed about doing theatre, it's who you are and you need to be fulfilled. I'm sure you're a better father for it.