Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, I'm off work today as...shocker....I DO get a day off during the week since I work Saturdays. In fact, I have the SAME day off every single week, although every single week I go through the inquisition as if this is something he is not aware of and I MUST be hiding something since I didn't inform him twice a day every day leading up to Friday that I am off. Our daughters had a dentist appointment today, and I have a counseling appointment (although he is not aware that I am seeing the Crisis Counselor--figured it was safest to leave out that bit of info). Anyway, he calls at about 10:15 to ask again (really, this is getting old at this point) "why are you not at work again?!" So I again, gently (through clenched teeth of course) explain that I am off on Fridays due to my work schedule the rest of the week--I mean I already work 47 hours at my job each week, is that not enough? I tell him the girls have a dentist appointment and I have a doctor's appointment at 1 (needing to account for the time I will be in the therapist's office).
He then proceeds to ask, as if I am an imbecile, or worse...his paid servant, if all the laundry has been done, the trash taken to the dump, the floor vacuumed, and what about the refrigerator before I go running the roads here and there. WTF?! All I could say (which I am ticked off at myself) is that the laundry is done and I've dusted and cleaned the bathroom. He then mumbles something under his breath I couldn't quite catch and hangs up on me. I've said it a million times--to him, on these boards, and in my head--being hung up on is probably the thing that drives me to insanity quicker than any other. I find it incredibly rude, dismissive, and arrogant and I HATE it!!! So.....what does he do? Makes sure to find every possible opportunity to do it several times a day. Isn't that mature?!
Okay, vent over. I can go back to my Cinderella life where all I do is work--if I'm not working, I better damn sure be cleaning, scrubbing, ironing, and vacuuming...or else!!
He then proceeds to ask, as if I am an imbecile, or worse...his paid servant, if all the laundry has been done, the trash taken to the dump, the floor vacuumed, and what about the refrigerator before I go running the roads here and there. WTF?! All I could say (which I am ticked off at myself) is that the laundry is done and I've dusted and cleaned the bathroom. He then mumbles something under his breath I couldn't quite catch and hangs up on me. I've said it a million times--to him, on these boards, and in my head--being hung up on is probably the thing that drives me to insanity quicker than any other. I find it incredibly rude, dismissive, and arrogant and I HATE it!!! So.....what does he do? Makes sure to find every possible opportunity to do it several times a day. Isn't that mature?!
Okay, vent over. I can go back to my Cinderella life where all I do is work--if I'm not working, I better damn sure be cleaning, scrubbing, ironing, and vacuuming...or else!!
If he wanted it doing so badly, he had arms and legs of his own. And guess what, if he wasn't so anal about the floor and everything else, I would be able to go out and get a job and ease our money worries (caused by his extravagance elsewhere and control of me) as well! But no. Mr. Wound-so-tight-he-could-explode apparently WANTED to be that pointless and obsessive... :/
I am so sorry and just hope you get away soon. Hugs xxx
I often think to myself, "It's okay little one." when I talk to my older brother. He's getting treatment for a long term addiction to Vicodin. I ask him when his next doctor appointment is. I ask him when his last NA meeting was and how it went.
He tends to listen more during our conversations when I listen to him first.
It seems he is using the phone as a manner of control. Its his way of "hitting" you and its readily available, repeatedly. Would it be possible to tell him that you find his way of speaking to you on the phone disrespectful so from now on you will not be taking his calls but he can text you if he has something pressing? Is that doable? I realize it would be likely very inconvenient but he needs to realize that you have limits and there are consequences for his destructive behavior.
So sorry he is treating you this way, Sweet.
Yeah u could point out, tell him, also tell him that you don't appreciate this behaviour and what's he going to do? He will pester you and make life harder just so you won't put up barriers to stop his aims!
So how do u stop him?
Well the answer is in the scariest and most inconvenient place but its were it sits waiting for you...starting a new life without him in it.
Not always what most of us want or wanted, but here is where the answer awaits!
The guy is dead set on his aims Hun, this is how he knows how to be as a human!! This is deep inside his core, this is who he is! This is his soul. Yeah he's other things as well, but at his core, he is this! He is abusive, he enjoys it that's why he has aims in it and he will keep aiming for this goals. Why? Fuck knows why abusers abuse, it's pointless in the end, all u have to think about is how do I live abuse free??
It's sick.
Oh yeah, one more thing - you do NOT ever need to apologise to us for posting, venting, whatever you need.
Hugs...xo
hmm sounds like a child temper tantrum..but you are right you cannot make ppl into mature caring beings after a certain age namely 8
he has to fix himself
many hugs to you
My ex passively aggressively managed how much work I did in the house....AND how I did it. He would want something one way, then when I did it like that, he would change it. Before you knew it, he was controlling my entire day...and days.
When he would get home, the first thing he would notice is what I didn't do. I could clean for 10 hours, decorate and have dinner on the table or in the oven, and he would notice a cup on the counter.....or a bowl in the "wrong" side of the sink.
He would tell me, he didn't care about how hosue work was done and that he didn't expect me to be a maid...but I surely heard it when it wasn't done. He even dictated as to HOW I had to put laundry in.....I had to "first" fill the water, then put the soap in and mix it...then.....put the clothing into it, and maybe push it down with a stick to get it more wet.
I once got sarcastic about the laundry and told him "yes, I did it your way like you trained me to." He said
" I suggest you keep your mouth shut" (in an "or else" way ) then went into the other room and called me a "b@tch."
I was just bringing your best options into the post that's all, you'll do what u need to when u need to, I'm just relieved for you that your working on getting free, I didn't know where u was at with it that's all !
Xxx