Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, my H is wanting to go to visit his sister over Halloween. I'm not as excited about it because my good friends have an annual Halloween party that we've gone to for the past 7 years. I know he's doing this, in part, because he has decided that he doesn't like my friends and doesn't want to be around them. I love his sister and love spending time with her. She is such a sweetheart. I am suspicious of his intention for going over Halloween. I don't really want to go, but I know it will be a huge argument if I tell him such. He expects that I cater to his every whim.
So, today he called to iron out the details of the trip and that we'll have to take time off work, and son out of school for 2 days. he'll be in 5K. Then we keep talking, and he mentioned the things it was close to, and I asked "Oh, well, what is there to do there?" He said, "it's a national park. don't you want to get out to see the national parks?" I replied "well, if there are interesting things to see there, yes." A few minutes later, he exclaimed that he just might have to dedicate the trip to surfing. I read this as him trying to do whatever he wants to do and it would be at the exclusion (or the spectatorship) of me and son. I'm really not excited about this. I said, OK, if you're going to dedicate it to surfing, I will dedicate it to AnonymousThemePark. He didn't like that because going to the theme park will cost money. I asked him if he had a surfboard. He said no but that would cost less than going to a theme park. I then said "Do what you need to do, H" He said, OK then. I'll talk to you later and hung up the phone.
I knew from the tone of the end of the call that I had said something that didn't please him. I almost want to send him an email to apologize, but I know I shouldn't. I just know that he'll seethe on this all day and tonight will not be pleasant. I know I was kind of bitchy about it, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to support every whim. I don't want him to surf -- that's just one more thing for him to "get into" at the exclusion of me and my son. He's already gone every single weekend on bike rides for 4-8 hours at a time. Just one more thing. Now I'm feeling like the selfish one who will not let him do things. Ugh! I hate this feeling!
So, today he called to iron out the details of the trip and that we'll have to take time off work, and son out of school for 2 days. he'll be in 5K. Then we keep talking, and he mentioned the things it was close to, and I asked "Oh, well, what is there to do there?" He said, "it's a national park. don't you want to get out to see the national parks?" I replied "well, if there are interesting things to see there, yes." A few minutes later, he exclaimed that he just might have to dedicate the trip to surfing. I read this as him trying to do whatever he wants to do and it would be at the exclusion (or the spectatorship) of me and son. I'm really not excited about this. I said, OK, if you're going to dedicate it to surfing, I will dedicate it to AnonymousThemePark. He didn't like that because going to the theme park will cost money. I asked him if he had a surfboard. He said no but that would cost less than going to a theme park. I then said "Do what you need to do, H" He said, OK then. I'll talk to you later and hung up the phone.
I knew from the tone of the end of the call that I had said something that didn't please him. I almost want to send him an email to apologize, but I know I shouldn't. I just know that he'll seethe on this all day and tonight will not be pleasant. I know I was kind of bitchy about it, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to support every whim. I don't want him to surf -- that's just one more thing for him to "get into" at the exclusion of me and my son. He's already gone every single weekend on bike rides for 4-8 hours at a time. Just one more thing. Now I'm feeling like the selfish one who will not let him do things. Ugh! I hate this feeling!
Best of luck:)
And you should apologize? I understand about keeping the peace, I've done the same cali. HE is the self-absorbed one. Like a 5 year old, it's their way or the highway. You are just doing what you need to in order to survive. As long as your with a person like this, it'll continue...unfortunately.
I'd tell him the Halloween party won't cost a thing, that you and your son can stay behind since the whole trip is about surfing, and you can see his sister next time she visits. I would love to see his answer to that. He won't have one, so he'll subject change, or blame shift, or something.
Round and round it goes!
Sorry you have to deal with this cali, it sucks to live with a manipulative control freak, especially when you think it even has the slightest thing to do with it being your issue...it's not.
Good luck, hon! And hugs to you...
I use to bike and my whole family took up bikeing. my oldest son plays basket ball. My other son use to join him in a game. occassionally I would shoot hoops w them.
My formor husband visited bars inpart due to his line of work ( professional musician)
my friends & neighbours enjoyed visiting w him when he was on road. I seldom hung out like most of other band member wives w my husband.
I use to love sweets and deli food but not every day.
We use to take turns going to his parents then mine and occassional we spend morning to gether and go our serparte ways to visit our own friends during the holidays.
However every Christmas we went to Hawia for surfing vacation. my whole family surfs.
we live at the bch and we dont always go surfing together or at the same time.
If your joined at the hip that would be understandable for having to put up w such crap but what do you both have to share being that your both dont have independant lives outside the home unit ?
I would get board real fast and mouthy if I didn't have my own life and I promise you I wouldn't put up w a male treating me like a 2 yr old and verbally abuseing me.
Why put up w such shi_ from a donkey butt
why even try to have a 2 way conversation with such. wouldn't that fall under self abuse. as in takeing up slack of them abuseing us.
Sorry but I don't get why your bent out of shape because he's active and perfers sports nor do I get why your upset that he doesnt want to spend another yr hanging out w your friends on holloween and/or for him wanting not to visit your family every yr during holidays. I just dont get it unless your twins joined at the hip.
I made a life for myself that seprate from my marriage, work, house, children. I demanded and demand me time.
Am too busy w my actives and my daily schedule to watch a jerk do mean jestures and stupid body laung. nor listen to sly comments.
My pc has head set, my ph has head set, my tv has a head set, my CD player and portable DVD players have head sets and 1 hr befor I go to bed I take a sleeping aid and when I lay down I wear eye pads - its a band w eye pads to shut out light.
When I was married we scheduled dates w ea other and dinners out together and if for what ever reason 1 of us needed to reschedule something it was no big deal for we had our own lives and seprate things we like to do.
On way to work I sat mine out by curb w trash because he was - is a professional womanizer.
I didnt have the need to share my thoughts and plans but I did for warn him by telling him that when I buy a pomerana that I would divorce him. I still have my pom.
Re teach him what you will and will not accept ( you already taugh him once) however the odds in ole dog learn new treats and changeing its color is next to zip.
Aw, if you lived closer I would introduce you to my atty over dinner.
1.Marriage is a business contract.
2.Knowledge will set you free.
3.Divorce is freedom to persue happiness and healthy life filled w things that you enjoy.
4. the wisdom not to repeat 1& 3
5. becareful what you train people-in how you want to be treated.
My son is 4, and is just learning to ride a bike. He's not quite ready for mtn biking yet and I don't have a bike of my own. H is very territorial about his bikes -- he paid a lot of money for them and has them tuned to fit him. These are 4 - 7,000 dollar bikes we're talking about. Not a 300.00 Schwinn... Speaking of biking... I told him that I saw some bikes that I liked and might want to get one. He didnt seem to excited about that prospect. He mentioned a girl he knew teaching a mtn bike skills clinic. I asked if I could go to this clinic. He said, initially, that it was the idea. But, on second thought he said he didn't want to have to "compete for my time" if I started biking.
He tries to ISOLATE me from MY family and all of my friends. That is why I am bent out of shape. This is his little covert tactic to keep me away from them. That is why.
he def sounds like a self centered narcissist (what's good for him is what's good for him) and at least, emotionally abusive...
The funny thing is, that if you began focusing on you and your son, eat when it's good for you two, shop when it's good for you and not plan things around him, he would be so confused and def thrown off balance...(it's amusing to watch).
Your little guy will be in school soon, all day...the hell with your mate, give all of your focus and love to your kid at this time and enjoy him while you can instead of worrying about a-hole (imo...sorry if that offended).
My sister is into mountain bikeing and am into distance. yep I know the cost of upper end of bikes,maintance & gear.
Am just share w you and shareing my thoughts based on your post,k.
If I wanted a bike w kiddy cart on it. I wouldn't ask for permission nor my mate approval or disapproval. I would buy what I wanted and if he doesnt like it,too bad, your not offer your bike or what ever hobby or sport or whatever you choise to do, for and to him to use and enjoy - its for you and when we're happy and do things for our selves, it effects our physical health and this can effect our household and our children.
Feed the jerk hamburgers, meat loaf, hamburger helper instead of steak and stach away the saving and go buy you and your son a bike w a kiddy cart.
I alway did skim off the grocery money and any money I found in laundry is mine. the money in laundry basket belongs to the person doing the laundry,right.
How will I know about isolation and length and the things they do and say to isolate us.
With reg bike w kiddy cart, you could start waveing at your neighbours and slowly start pause to chat and adventually you will have homes - fences to stop at during your outtings in neighbourhood. yep that in itself will tick him off. just wear head set and go about doing what ever needs to be done and what you want to do.
I enjoy fishing. take up fishing. I keep rod in my car.
Take self defense class's.
Take home repair class's at Lowe's
join a gym w day care etc... what ever you want to do.
What can the bully do: not talk to you and pout,lol, throw tempertamper ( that's live entertain and quite funny if your listening to music thur head set), will he hand cuff you to kitchen sink. Sweet pea the law is on your side against such abuse & assults.
If needed press charges and dont bail him out.
I had my formor husband arrested when we we're married. he thought he would show his butt so I went around the house knocking things over while I had my coffee. then I went outside and called the police and told them to go inside and look what he's done,ROFLOL. He called his brother who lives in near by state to bail him out,lol and no he didnt return home until he went to therapy.
Oh ya, after your done on pc, do delete your history. that will bend his nose out of shape,lol.
Have fun with him. turn him into your puppet without him knowing why his unders are in a knot,lol.
With law on your side you have him by the balls and your bully knows it.