Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Just broke the news to my wife that I am not (cannot, actually) give her any money fron this pay period.
She's always going on about how happy she is that her pouring all her time and energy into other people's children is allowing her to contribute to the family finances. Well, now she's filed for separation, she doesn't get to use that money to run around town with a gaggle of children in tow. She can pay her own credit card bills. And I can stop eating snicker's bars for lunch.
She is not happy, and this is going to result in more escalation. But I don't have the money to give, so she's asking the impossible. So it's not too hard for me to protect myself.
She's always going on about how happy she is that her pouring all her time and energy into other people's children is allowing her to contribute to the family finances. Well, now she's filed for separation, she doesn't get to use that money to run around town with a gaggle of children in tow. She can pay her own credit card bills. And I can stop eating snicker's bars for lunch.
She is not happy, and this is going to result in more escalation. But I don't have the money to give, so she's asking the impossible. So it's not too hard for me to protect myself.
Why should you not be eating lunch? (Okay, a proper one!) That is an absolute bloody disgrace. I assume she is not going without at lunchtime. And would probably scream the house down if either she or your kids were put in that situation.
Financing and impressing strangers was something that both my parents and spouse both did expertly. Explorer hit the nail on the head: the shoemaker's children are never shod. And I wasn't.
No, no, NO tantrums permitted over this! If she starts, put the phone down/ turn on your heel and walk away. You don't deserve an ear-bashing. Hugs.
I have a really, really hard time with this, and hence my "gender roles" post a few weeks back. I grew up being taught to take care of myself, emotionally and financially. Same goes for my two brothers and my sister. But I was also given a good example that a man is supposed to financially take care of his wife (my dad taking care of my mom, my grandfather taking care of my grandmother). So now that I have run across someone who doesn't take care of herself, I am suddenly in a universe that doesn't make sense. So, when she says, "I want you to marry me so that I will get health insurance, and if you don't that proves you don't love me." It throws me down a black hole. Why is it my responsibility to take care of her health needs? But at the same time, am I a bad person if I don't help someone I love who needs the help? In reality, it's emotional manipulation.
And even last night, she was telling me about a woman she knows who is a high-dollar escort (!!!). She was obviously telling me because it was on her mind, and asking if I thought it was a good idea for the two of them to be friends. I cautioned her that the woman may be triggering for her. My girlfriend said she would never do that, but that it is probably less stress than working a job 8 hours a day (?!!!). I'm just not sure where she was going with that - is that more motional manipulation? Take care of me or I will become a prostitute?
your girlfriend is just plain emotionally sick needs more help than you can ever provide unless you are a very very experienced psychiatrist.
you just need out ASAP or your relationship. these boards can support you but will never be able to help you with someone who is beyond your capability to help.
sorry for the comment but felt it needed to be said!
bax. it will be ok hopefully your soon to be ex will see the light financially some ppl do live in dream worlds but life's reality soon hits them if they are not enabled and for Pete sakes at least make yourself a peanut butter sandwich or something you don't need to eat out but candy bar?
When you're exhausted and depleted it's hard to find energy to protect yourself from continual blows at all angles.