Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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now he is starting on our 16 year old

jojo42
jojo42
Our son was the favorite of his so I am surprised. Our daughter quit high school and was the first one to bail out of the family. I was behind her about 2 years later and now my 16 year old wants out. We split custody 50/50 but I see him everyday when I drive him from school to either his dad or my place. I get an earful on the weeks his dad has him. In the last week the ex has told his son.....

* you can go live with your mom is you want to be alone all the time because she is out in the bars. My son knows that is so far from the truth.

* your mom doesn't know how to parent so my rules need to follow you to her house.

* I am going to marry Donna because she is a Godly woman and will stay with me forever.

* the final blow.....* If I say I love you first then your I love you back doesn't count.


My son is about to blow and he is very very laid back. I can do nothing but wait and pray. Anything else I can do?

The I love you one seems SO ABUSIVE to me. He is gonna lose the last one if he isn't careful.
LindaJean
LindaJean
Whoa - the "I love you" one sounds very contrived and odd. It sounds like he makes up some strange rules to abide by. Was he that way when you were married?

Is there any way that you can change the custody arrangements? I don't think he is a good influence on your son at all.

He sounds unusually controlling - and I don't blame you son for not being a happy camper re his father.
jojo42
jojo42
Yes he was this way in our marriage. It is just very frustrating but the blessing is my son sees right thru him. There is the mental manipulation he is doing to our son. At 16 he can make his own choice and if I push it, things could go the other way quickly. I guess I was used to his unusual controlling behavior. He made every decision on everything. He makes up the game as he goes and there is no predicting what the rule might be next. SO VERY GLAD I AM OUT AND I DON'T REGRET IT ONE BIT.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're a good mum and a good person. I'm sure your son will make the right decision to live with you all the time when the time is right.
awesomeself
awesomeself
My husband is one of those "rules" people, too. He won't say good morning first to me or the kids - we have to say it first. I have to say goodnight first, too. And don't even get me started on the multiple apologies for any mistake I've made (or that he's perceived as such.) I think one of the most hurtful things he said was after our 2nd daughter was born - he said that since he didn't want this one, she would have to gradually earn his love over time, that it would not be unconditional.
It sounds like you're doing what you can by listening. Maybe some therapy would help your son as well, even it's his school counselor.