Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I know my wife is madly in love with me. I still love her, too.
I know she doesn't want to hurt me. But I also know that when she is afraid, she needs to do whatever she can to combat that fear - and the simplest course of action is to exert control over me. To utilize the tactics that have worked so well in the past, getting me to back away, back down, obey. She's not in tune with her emotions at all, and has little to no empathy at all - and that's standard, not when she's upset. Even our couples councellor pointed out that 'it must be frustrating for me, since I'm so very skilled at clearly expressing my needs, and every need she has somehow manages to come out as a command or demand.'
I've spoken with her about it. She's reading a little bit, and it's hard for her. It really frustrates her, and she wishes she could change it. She's terrified of the notion that I might be right, that she may be abusing me. She's trying to be super cautious, super supportive, and super safe while I struggle.
But it hasn't changed that core attitude yet.
I've also got to keep in mind that while she does show sympathy for my pain, she is responsible for a good deal of it, and she has yet to claim that responsibility. While she wants me to have support and friends, she is responsible for isolating me from those I had, and still expresses jealousy and insecurity when she hears that someone is showing me support. And still is subtly working to make sure that she is the strongest point of support I have.
She wants me to be safe, but does not want to have to admit that I'm not. And I'm not. I'm smarter, more aware, awake to the danger I am in - but I am still in danger, and cannot be lulled back to sleep.
I know she doesn't want to hurt me. But I also know that when she is afraid, she needs to do whatever she can to combat that fear - and the simplest course of action is to exert control over me. To utilize the tactics that have worked so well in the past, getting me to back away, back down, obey. She's not in tune with her emotions at all, and has little to no empathy at all - and that's standard, not when she's upset. Even our couples councellor pointed out that 'it must be frustrating for me, since I'm so very skilled at clearly expressing my needs, and every need she has somehow manages to come out as a command or demand.'
I've spoken with her about it. She's reading a little bit, and it's hard for her. It really frustrates her, and she wishes she could change it. She's terrified of the notion that I might be right, that she may be abusing me. She's trying to be super cautious, super supportive, and super safe while I struggle.
But it hasn't changed that core attitude yet.
I've also got to keep in mind that while she does show sympathy for my pain, she is responsible for a good deal of it, and she has yet to claim that responsibility. While she wants me to have support and friends, she is responsible for isolating me from those I had, and still expresses jealousy and insecurity when she hears that someone is showing me support. And still is subtly working to make sure that she is the strongest point of support I have.
She wants me to be safe, but does not want to have to admit that I'm not. And I'm not. I'm smarter, more aware, awake to the danger I am in - but I am still in danger, and cannot be lulled back to sleep.
When my husband talks nonsense.... defining me, telling me what I "should" do.. I take it for what it is, nonsense!
I really relate to your sentence "I'm smarter & more aware"
I think that is a positive step. Taking our power back and knowing who we are, doing our best for ourselves and our children.
When I opened my eyes to my worth.. it actually made me more aware of his good points and allowed me to feel compassion for his struggles.