I have suffered for many years and endured what shouldn't have been allowed. I ask myself why did I allow one person to degrade me like I did, but I was so focused on helping him that I let myself go. I lived with a man who played games when I told him how i felt it went in one ear and out the other, or the classic well I am like this because your not doing this. Imagine getting all dressed up looking in the mirror and you think you look hot but he looks at you and says you look good but it would be better if you had this and this and this. I know what it feels like to live in a home but it never feels like home because your constantly walking on egg shells or glass. You can never predict how he is going to react. I know what fearing for your life is when your fighting in the car and he threatens to crash it. Most of all the fear of leaving or the fear of staying. I stayed for 10 years I am happy to say I have been free for 3 months and he has already moved on to someone else. I am learning to become an independent single mom, but I find myself still ruled by fear. I think its time for me to seek some counseling so i can make sure I never allow this to happen to me again and to teach my son what a healthy relationship is.
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