Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My sister who has been verbally abused confided something to me today. Because she has no love from her husband, does not respect him, and gets nothing but financial support from the marriage, she is finding that she is living through her daughter.
Her daughter is dating a boy who is the type of person my sister would like-attractive, giving, sweet, funny. While my sister is not attracted to him, she finds that she wants to know everything she can about what's going on with her daughter and him and she enjoys listening to the phone calls and hearing her daughter laugh. It's as tho my sister's happiness is through her daughter. My sister thinks all day about this boy and her daughter and she looks forward to when she sees them together. What are your thoughts...is this helpful to my sister?
Oh, by the way, for those of you who asked, my sister is not willing to be part of this community yet but she knows that I am.
Her daughter is dating a boy who is the type of person my sister would like-attractive, giving, sweet, funny. While my sister is not attracted to him, she finds that she wants to know everything she can about what's going on with her daughter and him and she enjoys listening to the phone calls and hearing her daughter laugh. It's as tho my sister's happiness is through her daughter. My sister thinks all day about this boy and her daughter and she looks forward to when she sees them together. What are your thoughts...is this helpful to my sister?
Oh, by the way, for those of you who asked, my sister is not willing to be part of this community yet but she knows that I am.
She is not alone in living this way, but needs to find other, more healthy outlets. If her spouse won't change, the relationship is doomed in my opinion.
She is probably putting all of her attention and energy into her daughters life to avoid thinking about her own life. What this will end up doing to her daughter is at the very least going to cause trust and boundary issues between them in the future.
There is a phenomenon called "emotional incest" in which a parent becomes grossly, emotionally over-involved in his/her childs life. It can cause emotional damage that could last throughout her childs life.
Try the book:
The Emotional Incest Syndrome
What to Do When a Parents Love Rules Your Life.
By Dr. Patricia Love
Perhaps in thinking ahead you should buy this book for your niece to read when this attention from her mother starts to affect her negatively.
I lived this sort of thing and I am speaking from experience.