In my experience, AOD/MH often go hand in hand. There have been studies that one triggers the other and vice versa so that does alarm me very much to be perfectly honest. I can only imagine how that makes you feel. If the therapist Is not practicing privately, perhaps there is a supervisor you could reach out to for clarification?

To clarify myself also:
AOD - alcohol and other drug
MH- mental health

My response is based on my training and what I know from talking with several therapists over the years and my experience being married to an alcoholic.

Many experts will tell you that when you're interacting with someone using, you're interacting with the substance and not the person.

Drugs and alcohol absolutely affects and changes the brain. It takes over the personality and affects mental stability. It causes the person to make really bad decisions that can end up hurting them and others. It affects the whole person - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I'm sorry to say that therapy just doesn't with people who are using.

When I was planning on doing an intervention on my then h, I had to attend an 8 week class. One of the most important things they told us was this:

Drugs/alcohol = 10% of the problem. The other 90% is behavior. The problem is that in order to work with and change the 90%, one must first completely stop using, i.e. eliminate the 10%.

While I can't say for sure why this therapist made this decision, my educated guess would be she did it for the reasons I stated above.

IMHO, the best thing for your daughter would be rehab. BUT, I would do a lot of research because not all rehabs are good, especially for young people. (I learned that the hard way.) The brain doesn't stop maturing until around age 25 and there are different modalities that work better for different ages. Also, IMHO, it is important that rehab be done with a holistic approach.

~healing hugs~

Thank you for your responses. I am trying to make sense of this. It is very upsetting and I just couldn't understand why she would refuse to help my daughter when it seems that we need her the most.

Between my ex and my daughter it seems that life is just going to keep on hurting and hurting. I just feel lost and broken.

It looks like the therapist is saying that there is nothing they can do to really help your daughter unless she goes through rehab for drug abuse. More specifically it looks like they have made completion of rehab a requirement for them to continue working with/treating your daughter.

From the sounds of it the therapist is also indicating that they do not see your daughter as having much inclination/motivation to actually get over her drug abuse in order to get mental health treatment.

In other words: they are saying your daughter does not appear to be willing to go through rehab for her drug problem, and if she doesn't sober up and get clean therapy will not help her with her mental health issues due to the drugs interfering with her brain processes. The therapist seems to be willing to continue trying to help her, but only if your daughter first goes through rehab so that the therapy can actually work.

If you haven't started therapy yourself, please do as soon as you can. It will help you navigate these rough times. You also might want to check out alanon and coda (co-dependent's anonymous).

I am thinking of ALL the things I tried to do to help my ex and nothing worked. Is there nothing I can do for my daughter. My fear is that it is meth. She has gotten unusually skinny and broken out on her face. She looks like a meth picture almost. Is there nothing I can do?

The FIRST thing you should do, IMHO, is TAKE CARE OF YOU. That's because you will be no help to her if you aren't well physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually. Using the analogy of being on an airplane w/o oxygen...you put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you don't pass out before you put it on your child who may be fighting against you. This goes for everything in life.

The SECOND thing you can do is to love her but not enable her. How old is she? If she is a minor, then you can get legally put her into rehab w/o her permission. But remember, she still has free will and may not choose to do the work. You need to get help for yourself, so if that happens, you will be able to deal with it in a healthy way.

If you do nothing else, take care of yourself.

Thank you for your responses. I keep reading and rereading them. please know they are all appreciated.

She is 19. I am seeing a therapist and I have been trying to take good care of myself. Going NC with the ex, eating healthy, working hard. I have gone through three years of codependency recovery. I feel like it is different when it is your kid than when it is your husband but looking back on things Melody Beattie would say... it is the same.

I am trying to stay sane. She has been through so much. It isn't fair. Thanks for listening to me whine. I am annoying myself with the whining.

If her drug abuse is having a clear impact on her health and well-being (such as with the symptoms of meth use) it might still be possible to force her into rehab. Some states have laws that permit a spouse or family member of a drug/alcohol abuser to force them into rehab regardless of if they are an adult.

If your daughter is unwilling to go to rehab willingly, then it may be possible for you to get one of these court orders that forces her into rehab.

The way I see it, even if she is unwilling, as long as she is in rehab she will at least be getting some treatment and kept away from the drugs she's abusing.

Very good suggestions. I will look into it.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your daughter's struggles, and how difficult that must be as her mother.