Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Yesterday marked the first day in two months that I didn't shed a tear. Like many of you who have been through and come out of this type of experience, with a little distance, I am starting to see the light. I am starting to remember more awfulness about him. Stuff that just is not acceptable, at least in my book.
Most notably, over the summer I tried to go back and work the farm. Ultimately, I wanted to quit my ft job and make a go of helping him run a successful boarding and lesson business. Of course, I subconsciously always wanted to mend our relationship. Anyway, I took a six week leave from my job to see if we could work it out. During this period, I jumped through hoops to show him I was committed to the business. On those occasions when he acted like an ass, I would simply leave and come back the next day...I didn't want to react and upset him.
Before I was suppose to go back to work, I sent him an email telling him that I thought we needed to memorialize the business arrangement and who would be responsible for what. I outlined what I would like to be in charge of in detail. I knew, given the way he operates and CONTROLS, that I needed something in writing to fall back on. I explained that I needed to some idea of what the plan was before I was comfortable giving notice at work.
So what do you think happened? Nothing, of course. He never did respond in kind. And when I would ask about it at the farm, he'd say well, I read but tell me what it says again. Jerk. He never intended to commit to a business plan...he couldn't...it would mean relinquishing some control over to me and that is just not going to happen...EVER.
Anyway, as you great ladies predicted, time is shedding more light on how he really was and I am really starting to appreciate the fact that he is longer a part of my life.
To those struggling, please know it will get better. One of things that really has helped me the most is going NC with him and folks at the farm. I resisted going NC with the friends because they were just that...friends. But if I had continued to talk to them, I would not be here today telling you I had a "tear free" day yesterday.
Most notably, over the summer I tried to go back and work the farm. Ultimately, I wanted to quit my ft job and make a go of helping him run a successful boarding and lesson business. Of course, I subconsciously always wanted to mend our relationship. Anyway, I took a six week leave from my job to see if we could work it out. During this period, I jumped through hoops to show him I was committed to the business. On those occasions when he acted like an ass, I would simply leave and come back the next day...I didn't want to react and upset him.
Before I was suppose to go back to work, I sent him an email telling him that I thought we needed to memorialize the business arrangement and who would be responsible for what. I outlined what I would like to be in charge of in detail. I knew, given the way he operates and CONTROLS, that I needed something in writing to fall back on. I explained that I needed to some idea of what the plan was before I was comfortable giving notice at work.
So what do you think happened? Nothing, of course. He never did respond in kind. And when I would ask about it at the farm, he'd say well, I read but tell me what it says again. Jerk. He never intended to commit to a business plan...he couldn't...it would mean relinquishing some control over to me and that is just not going to happen...EVER.
Anyway, as you great ladies predicted, time is shedding more light on how he really was and I am really starting to appreciate the fact that he is longer a part of my life.
To those struggling, please know it will get better. One of things that really has helped me the most is going NC with him and folks at the farm. I resisted going NC with the friends because they were just that...friends. But if I had continued to talk to them, I would not be here today telling you I had a "tear free" day yesterday.
I am so very happy for you. I knew you could do it. I am also so proud of you too. I do believe you are so much stronger than you thought you were. Just please use this experience as you move forward and with your next relationship, please watch for red flags and take things very slow. If he wants to rush you into a relationship, that is a red flag on it's own.
I wish you the very best and tons of happiness.
Happy trails
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hugs and thinking of you xx
I am so glad you are gaining clarity, distance and a new life! One of the things that helped me leave was the realization that I could still have the dreams I had shared with him either on my own or with a healthy, whole partner. And that they would be so much better because I knew I could create stability both within myself and in a healthy relationship.
I sat down and created a list about the dreams I shared with him, and then broke them down into steps that I could take to achieve those dreams on my own. I also decided to add dreams of my own, things that would contribute to my own happiness and fulfill me from the inside out!
I felt like I can finally breathe!
You were wise to try to get a written contract from him before leaving your job! It is really a testament to the deep knowing you have about the reality of who he is.
Stay true to you!
You're on your way to healing and I'm so happy for you:)