Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I decided to start no contact with my husband last night. It was too hard having to hear him beg me to give him another chance and listen to how wonderful our marriage will be. I couldnt deal with his tears anymore either bc I was allowing myself to feel guilty. There may be times when I have to contact him for the mortgage payment or when the tax bill comes around, but I refuse to discuss "us" anymore. I will never be able to trust him and therefore can never have a fulfilling marriage with him. It hurts to think about my life without him, however I have no clue why I feel that way. What is there to miss? Constant criticism? The silent treatment when he gets mad? Not feeling like a priority? Being controlled? Over the past few months he has done everything possible to get me back (flowers, gifts, endless compliments) but it doesnt feel real... it feels superficial and as though he will do or say anything to get me back and under his control. Why does it have to hurt though...?
It feels superficial because it is. Remember the "Does he love me?" video that Mending put up a while back? It isn't love.
It hurts because, while you were your true self all the way through the relationship, he LIED to get you hooked, and then took you to hell with his real self. He`s putting his mask back on to try and attract you back. But you know what he is capable of now. Please don`t ever let him back in. He can give you nothing but pain. Take care xxx
I've been crying all morning, but I'm o.k. now. Mine has been gone since Sept. 12th so I am still pretty raw. Yes, I attempted the no contact thing, but it always ends up in a fight. Even texting OMG we can fight. IT's a dance because they don't want to make the effort and will fight tooth and nail for you to see their point of view, or atleast that's what mine does.
Exactly, what the hell exactly am I missing, the choking, the slapping, the constant bullshit drama with his family. I am glad you asked that question, really made me think about that.
It hurts because for me it was love, I really loved this man, we were supposed to get married. I'm glad I dodged that bullet. Having no contact is probably the best thing you can do. Doesn't make it any easier, but it's harder when you talk to them.
Another point, it is shallow superficial it isn't real their apologies, their telling us what they know we want to hear. What really ticks me off is how come you weren't hearing all this when I tried to explain it to you say back 6 months ago or so? Why weren't you hearing me then? Why all of a sudden now you want to listen? Why do they want to hold on, why can't they let us go? It's up to us to determine how our lives are going to be without them, not for them to decide whether or not they want me or not. I'm not gonna wait around for that.
Finally you get the OK Fine if that's what you want, I'll go be with someone who wants to be with me. or atleast that's what mine does.
Yea I'm so torn up over this bs? rolling my eyes.
Stay strong and keep posting. The help here is amazing :)
Sending hugs your way,
By the way, I just have to point out what you said earlier: "...his 23 year-old whatever." You`re exactly right. "Whatever" is what she means to him. Along with any woman. She will get what you got.
As for turning it back on you, there he goes once again, thinking only about himself. As per usual. That is all they do.
He quickly put the tears away and said ok..i'll help you move. It was so weird. Sometimes I think he was split personality. He found a new woman to use quickly. I was happy so he would leave me alone.
I know how hard what your doing is-words cannot express the empathy, compassion and admiration I have for what you are doing.