Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Well, she's back in town. Treated me real nice.
I did drive out of town to meet with a friend an hour away, and she knew about it. Saw the transaction on our credit card. That unnerved me a bit,/
But I told her I've been feeling better. Almost like my old self. So much so, that I needed to share something with her:
I shared that A) for years, our marriage has not matched God's expressed ideal. That I was not content to be the subserviant one. I would prefer a relationship of mutuality, but if authority was needed, it needed to be mine.
I then shared that b) whenever I challenged her authority, she used lies, manipulation, and hateful, vile remarks to make sure she ended up getting her way.
Further, that I believed her lies about me, and they were hugely conrtibutive to my depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. That I should have not believed her when she called me a rapist, a sex addict, deranged, a monster, crazy, a bad father, evil, or opposed to God. But that I did.
And those acts, as well as the subtler methods of telling me I was worthless, evil, crazy... were lies, manipulative, harmful, and ultimately sinful.
I didn't get much of a response at all - she did cry, she did deflect a few times, I asked how what emotions she was feeling, and she replied 'hurt, rejected, and sad that you think I'm a vile person.' I nipped each and every one of those in the bud. "I admit I'm not perfect, and I sinned against you, as well. But right now, I'm wanting to get a response on this one issue before we move on to another one.' I was so hoping she would say 'guilt' or 'shame'. She didn't, of course. She did fall back on the 'I'm trying to figure out how to validate your experience without admitting that it's true, that I did any of those things.'
But that's not what's important. It wasn't even that hard for me. Some point this week, I've decided that a) If I'm honest with myself and who I want to be, then people who want nothing to do with me can go hang, for all I care - although I can still keep the door open for if they decide to honor me without needing me to change. and b) Confronting, standing up to my wife in her cruelty, setting boundaries and honoring them IS the most loving thing I can do for her, for me, for the kids, and for our family as a whole.
Being separated from her, standing firm in the knowledge that she is abusive, and confronting her with that in a loving, confident, but not judgemental way... THAT is the most loving action I can take. And if she fights against that, she's no different from my 2 year old throwing a fit because I turned off his video game at bedtime.
Dang, I'm feeling better lately. About time!
I did drive out of town to meet with a friend an hour away, and she knew about it. Saw the transaction on our credit card. That unnerved me a bit,/
But I told her I've been feeling better. Almost like my old self. So much so, that I needed to share something with her:
I shared that A) for years, our marriage has not matched God's expressed ideal. That I was not content to be the subserviant one. I would prefer a relationship of mutuality, but if authority was needed, it needed to be mine.
I then shared that b) whenever I challenged her authority, she used lies, manipulation, and hateful, vile remarks to make sure she ended up getting her way.
Further, that I believed her lies about me, and they were hugely conrtibutive to my depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. That I should have not believed her when she called me a rapist, a sex addict, deranged, a monster, crazy, a bad father, evil, or opposed to God. But that I did.
And those acts, as well as the subtler methods of telling me I was worthless, evil, crazy... were lies, manipulative, harmful, and ultimately sinful.
I didn't get much of a response at all - she did cry, she did deflect a few times, I asked how what emotions she was feeling, and she replied 'hurt, rejected, and sad that you think I'm a vile person.' I nipped each and every one of those in the bud. "I admit I'm not perfect, and I sinned against you, as well. But right now, I'm wanting to get a response on this one issue before we move on to another one.' I was so hoping she would say 'guilt' or 'shame'. She didn't, of course. She did fall back on the 'I'm trying to figure out how to validate your experience without admitting that it's true, that I did any of those things.'
But that's not what's important. It wasn't even that hard for me. Some point this week, I've decided that a) If I'm honest with myself and who I want to be, then people who want nothing to do with me can go hang, for all I care - although I can still keep the door open for if they decide to honor me without needing me to change. and b) Confronting, standing up to my wife in her cruelty, setting boundaries and honoring them IS the most loving thing I can do for her, for me, for the kids, and for our family as a whole.
Being separated from her, standing firm in the knowledge that she is abusive, and confronting her with that in a loving, confident, but not judgemental way... THAT is the most loving action I can take. And if she fights against that, she's no different from my 2 year old throwing a fit because I turned off his video game at bedtime.
Dang, I'm feeling better lately. About time!
You deserve to finally be feeling better. You focus on yourself and the much better future you can have when you are not being abused!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
Hugs xx