Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am 25 years old and it has been one year and one month since my divorce has been final with my emotionally and sexually abusive ex-husband. I was with him for seven years and it wasn't until recently that I have begun to come to terms with the fact that I was abused... It took so long for me to even admit it to myself. I am the type of person to pride myself on being strong, indepedent-- so to admit that somone so completely controlled me is hard to swallow. Four days after I asked for a divorce, he moved his mistress into our home. I will never forget how, when he called me to arrange a meeting with our lawyer that he told me that he never abused me. I had never mentioned the words outloud but he inisted that I remember he never abused me. That I needed to understand that. Somehow, even through the divorce he was still taking advantage of me-- I paid entirely for the divorce and I lost all my possessions. In the months following my divorce he told me that, "whether I liked it or not, I was his best friend" and would keep in constant contact with me. He went to my church, and up until a month ago, is still contacting me saying he has stuff of mine to bring me. Last week I quit all of my church duties and have changed churches to stay away from him. Even after a year since the divorce, I still have nightmares and certian things-- even small things-- trigger breakdowns (I have anxiety/panic disorder). Will it ever get any easier?
Like the first person to respond,
I urge you in the strongest terms,
to find a highly qualified therapist.
When you feel you've found the
right counselor, (one whose specialty
is recovery from abuse), work hard
with that person for as long as it
takes to come to a more centered
place.
While you're doing that,
also practice SELF-CARE.
Remember that
healing isn't a
linear process.
It's a zig zag at
best.
Finally, consider doing
my Clarifying Index Card
exercise. You can find it
here on D.S., or p.m. me.
It's valuable in helping
you see the relationship
as it really was, not how
you'd hoped it would be.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
happiness.