Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
It started after my summer trip to my dads which my husband said I had to go on. So he drove me across the country to stay at my dads for a month. My dad and sisters actually took bets that my husband was going to divorce me while I was with them. When I came back home we celebrated my birthday and our wedding anniversary because both were spent in KS. It was a brief happy moment. On the drive home he said everything was going to change. I was going to go to work more. And i agreed with him. I am a sub teacher, i love working with kids and I was so happy school was returning for the year. Then he said he was going to be inspecting my paychecks to make sure I was really going. This was a red flag. Since then I have tried to work as many hours as I can but it was never enough. In the beginning of Oct. he came and said I had until Nov. 1st to start working a 40 hr work week. i tried to explain that sometimes with my Endometriosis Im hurting so much and am sick to my stomach from the pain I cannot go to work. He said that was an excuse and he has to go to work when he is sick. (he is a paramedic and works 80 hr week) He said that is sub teaching isnt letting me get the hours I need I need to find another job or another part time job. He said when he married me. I held down two part time jobs and went to school full time and now Im not even going to school half time all year. He said I didnt marry someone who was lazy. He expects me to get a job in the next two or three weeks. Plus I just found out that my mother in law spoke with a principal about why I didnt get the last job I applied for. I feel so trapped. Ever since I met him I have lost so many of my friends that I used to have. He said if we get a divorce or if we dont he loves me and will always love me but he is worried about me. This isnt how you show that. You have a wife who has depression and you and your family does all this. hell his mom might have ruined it for me to ever get a job. I just feel so alone. I dont know what to do. I cannot work more hours because Im only given what is given to me and i take them half days whole days whatever. I even go into the bilingual classes and I dont speak spanish. Im sorry this is long its been brewing a while. All I do is sit here and cry because I honestly dont know what to do.
I saw that no one had responded to you yet so thought I would. I'm sorry you're having the difficulties that brought you here and hope that in this group you will find you are not alone in facing abuse.
I, too, am a sub teacher so I know that you cannot just work as many hours as you want. You can only go in when you are called, so it is extremely unrealistic of your husband to expect you to just increase your hours as though you had that choice. Nor is it right for anyone to expect you to go to work when you are sick. You need to take care of yourself first and above all else. It is not a case of being lazy! The other things you mention, such as isolation from your friends, are all abuse tactics familiar to me as well. Abuse is about the abuser controlling his/her victim's life and many methods are available.
Anyway, I hope you feel welcome here and that you find the support you both need and deserve.
SO SORRY TO SEE YOU IN SUCH SITUATION, LOVE L*************
We are all your friends and support system here at DS!! Please feel free to post and to bent here as much as you want to...or are able to!!
The first thing I would suggest is that you read and post here as often as you want - and your posts can be as long as they need to be. This is a very welcoming and understanding group. And we have all been where you are or somewhere like it.
Are you seeing a therapist for your depression? If so, are they trained in abuse and it's aftermath? Because as you probably know (since you are posting in an abuse forum), what you are experiencing is abuse. And abuse will cause or exacerbate depression in just about anyone.
Again, I'm sorry for what you are dealing with, it does sound truly horrible.